I do not expect to be original by saying that vacations are the most stressful event after death, divorce and moving. Actually vacations often include moving and end up in divorce. I myself have felt a lot of angst that only LL's charming and patient presence made supportable.
First I resent myself for not doing anything productive. In DC, I usually share my time between work, processing all sort of useless information, keeping (not without difficulties) my very few social contacts and trying to upgrade my decaying body through physical exercise and consulting my numerous doctors. For most of you it would translate in work-gym-bar. All of that leaves me usually with this feeling of being hyperactive, efficient with my counted minutes on earth, and constantly pressured. Here I am condemned to be still.
Another element that causes my holidays torment, is the fact that I am surrounded by other people. In DC, I am exclusively surrounded by selected individuals with whom I share a whole set of common characteristics and sexual partners while here I am in constant contact with human beings that are very diverse and different. They do not seem to mirror my taste, sexual orientation, political inclination and etiquette as well as Ben T. or John J. To deal with this unusual company, that is the closest I ever get to society, is the scariest thing. I constantly wear Persols to avoid akward eyes contact in the elevator and uncalled for conversations. LL even accuses me to press 1 instead of L intentionally to keep away from the lobby crowd.
Besides, I am just one out of the 25,000 tourists vacationing there. The lack of importance of my existence in the universal scheme is all too obvious. Tristan is just another american f***er in his late twenties wearing shorts and trying to get a tan to show off at the office next week.
Our decision to live our status hungry hyperactive lives in communities is a way not to face our fears of death and difference as well as the reflect of the fact that we are xenophobic, individualistic and self-centered. This is probably why gay people go in vacations to Puerta-Vallarta, Mykonos, Fire-Island, European Capitals or some desert islands. Rehab must constitute of a stay in an all-inclusive vacations in Cancùn. May I add that LL and I watched people having sex in the pool from our terrace last night ?
Among other news, I’d like to mention how we regretted not being able to join universally loved Anders V. at Gazuza for his go away party. Supposedly Rick H. was denied entry because he was wearing flip-flops which is not very thoughtful in times of flip-flopgate. Please read the article: would you wear flip-flops at the White House ? This being said Rick has always dressed as an 18 years old frat boy as far as I can remmeber. The guest list supposedly only included tricks and colleagues of Anders but I won’t comment. I received an e-mail from TJ L. inviting me for a drink, it felt a bit as if sharks were distributing pamphlets for a swim. HRC launched a petition that you must sign. David K. R. moved and is offering to send pictures of his new home in DC, real estate is indeed the new gay pornography. Is it ok to tell that the suspect arrested in Rome has beautiful eyes ? probably fanatism. LL asked me yesterday who Adam B. was and I was incapable of answering, I remembered him as being a self-righteous right-wing f***er but I understand he denies it lately. Finally I’d like to point out a sharp decrease in my friendster roaster these days that shrunk to 222 friends. If we are going to tell the truth, I am going to bed.