FHC’s resurrected blog

Holidays'angst !

I do not expect to be original by saying that vacations are the most stressful event after death, divorce and moving. Actually vacations often include moving and end up in divorce. I myself have felt a lot of angst that only LL's charming and patient presence made supportable.

First I resent myself for not doing anything productive. In DC, I usually share my time between work, processing all sort of useless information, keeping (not without difficulties) my very few social contacts and trying to upgrade my decaying body through physical exercise and consulting my numerous doctors. For most of you it would translate in work-gym-bar. All of that leaves me usually with this feeling of being hyperactive, efficient with my counted minutes on earth, and constantly pressured. Here I am condemned to be still.

Another element that causes my holidays torment, is the fact that I am surrounded by other people. In DC, I am exclusively surrounded by selected individuals with whom I share a whole set of common characteristics and sexual partners while here I am in constant contact with human beings that are very diverse and different. They do not seem to mirror my taste, sexual orientation, political inclination and etiquette as well as Ben T. or John J. To deal with this unusual company, that is the closest I ever get to society, is the scariest thing. I constantly wear Persols to avoid akward eyes contact in the elevator and uncalled for conversations. LL even accuses me to press 1 instead of L intentionally to keep away from the lobby crowd.

Besides, I am just one out of the 25,000 tourists vacationing there. The lack of importance of my existence in the universal scheme is all too obvious. Tristan is just another american f***er in  his late twenties wearing shorts and trying to get a tan to show off at the office next week.

Our decision to live our status hungry hyperactive lives in communities is a way not to face our fears of death and difference as well as the reflect of the fact that we are xenophobic, individualistic and self-centered. This is probably why gay people go in vacations to Puerta-Vallarta, Mykonos, Fire-Island, European Capitals or some desert islands. Rehab must constitute of a stay in an all-inclusive vacations in Cancùn. May I add that LL and I watched people having sex in the pool from our terrace last night ?

Among other news, I’d like to mention how we regretted not being able to join universally loved Anders V. at Gazuza for his go away party. Supposedly Rick H. was denied entry because he was wearing flip-flops which is not very thoughtful in times of flip-flopgate. Please read the article: would you wear flip-flops at the White House ? This being said Rick has always dressed as an 18 years old frat boy as far as I can remmeber. The guest list supposedly only included tricks and colleagues of Anders but I won’t comment. I received an e-mail from TJ L. inviting me for a drink, it felt a bit as if sharks were distributing pamphlets for a swim. HRC launched a petition that you must sign. David K. R. moved and is offering to send pictures of his new home in DC, real estate is indeed the new gay pornography. Is it ok to tell that the suspect arrested in Rome has beautiful eyes ? probably fanatism. LL asked me yesterday who Adam B. was and I was incapable of answering, I remembered him as being a self-righteous right-wing f***er but I understand he denies it lately. Finally I’d like to point out a sharp decrease in my friendster roaster these days that shrunk to 222 friends. If we are going to tell the truth, I am going to bed.

CSI FHC, Search and Rescue...

The need to distract gorgeously tanned LL from buying hideous pseudo-mayan artifacts (I know that Mexican are tacky, I dated one myself but there is limits to bad taste – even South of the hemisphere), braiding his hair (everyone braid his hair here, Drew himself would probably braid it), or bonding with bikini-wearing whales was becoming imperative and we decided to organize a sailing outing for the afternoon.

As LL and I were leading the small catamaran that LL insisted on naming The Darrow (he also kept on describing it smugly as a yatch but then didn’t he go to Yale ?) with the past memories of our respective experiences as golden star effeminate junior camper and a butch marine scout, we ran into a screaming moving human form in the water (I actually noticed it btw). We maneuvered impeccably and ended up dragging on the boat a humongous guy from Kentucky who explained breathless that he had been marinating in these waters for ten minutes after having lost his own catamaran that he sadly pointed out to us sailing by itself in the horizon. As I am quite slow to understand made-in-america foolishness, I innocently asked him how he managed to fell on the boat while LL was engaging The Darrow to pursue the lost vessel like Admiral Ney would have. Well, the guy (still from Kentucky, USA may I add) explained to me all cheerful now that he actually had not fallen from it but jumped from it to get “freshened up” (I quote…it is all real…it happened today). I rose calmly a very British eyebrow and left LL engage in a relaxed conversation about the yuan devaluation with our fried Kentucky fellow while we navigated perfectly pursuing at high speed the nervous frigate that actually was carrying on board “his Gatorade” (as he told us proudly). After 20 minutes we finally managed to reach it, pushed the bushy-tailed-bright-eyed moron on it and left insensitive to the fact that he was probably going to die of a cardiac arrest in the following minutes as the whole adventure had left him shaken. Afterwards, LL regretted that we did not mention his inconsistent life had been saved by fags.

I guess our heroism is sufficient enough to constitute my only entry for today. Shall I add that I earned myself a golden star on e-bay ? that Alex A. was complimenting me today on the “magnificent views and faaabulous company” after having shamed me for choosing such a popular destination for my vacations (not everybody can be a bichiña Alex but I’ll let you comment on it by logging into friendster), Kevin A. announces that he “leaves HRC to get an MBA at GW” (let’s hope they’ll teach him words that are not acronyms). My last point will be that legendary and beloved gay icons like Rubben (50th go away party this week), Wess or Ashley have sadly announced their departures for months and yet never seem to leave to DC, is that another marketing trick ? The only one that left was this Nation's guy, Jeremy, but if I remmeber well they paid him to leave.

Vacations casualties

Another day in “paradise” that LL and I spent at the beach again hoping to see some jetskis run into each other and burst into flames in front of our eyes. It did not happen. Neither did we manage to reach the obese little kids in the pool while throwing empty corona bottles from the 10^th floor. Innocent casualties do not seem to be part of our all-inclusive vacation. God knows  though that I would genuinely recommend death to many of our fellow hotel guests who seem to lead an existence where the highest excitement are all-you-can-out-eat-buffets and are often flanked with very ill mannered pre-teenage girls dressed like vietnamese whores. Yet we managed to relax and enjoy the day with some fat blunt chronic.

We had a lovely conversation evocating with LL his memories of the space shuttle that blew up during the Reagan years in front of the eyes of all American schooled kid. Talk about a communication faux-pas. We also evoked the death of Aristotle Onassis’s son, Alexander, who did not die in a jetski in front of his father’s eyes as I believed but in a plane accident in January 1973. Other day topics included the probability to be hit by a tsunami and massage etiquette (is it ok to get an erection ? I open the forum – share your views). LL is forcing me to read a book called Atonement and I have terrible difficulties: 5 years in the US and my brain is mashed potatoes…therefore I am on the lookout for opportunity to create diversions. Also Bill seems to be out of the picture (LL was mistaken...he is straight...see our picture of the day...we love you Bill) and I feel relieved.

I have a question on Brett Easton-Ellis’s last book, Lunar Park: who does BEE sleep with at Vanity Fair to get such a nice and uncalled for critic in their july issue ? I would have thrown it away if it weren’t for this delicious article on Martha’s ankle bracelet. I was disappointed to understand that she actually does not receive a high voltage electric chock each time she steps out of her perimeter. One last comment is that LL and are a bit hesitant to ask the frat boys at the beach to take cute little pictures of us in front of the ocean ! any word of advice is welcome as usual.

Frat boys adventures

Your vacations end here. LL and I made it to a least developed country through moderate hurdles such as my first trip on a charter and other various interactions with people from New Jersey. The high point of the day was when we had to explain patiently to the hotel staff that we actually did not want twin beds as they seem to have forecasted but a king bed. We even had to mimic gay sex in the lobby. I guess it was an opportunity for Rodrigo to learn about the gay agenda. Afterwards, I left LL at some kind of an all you can eat buffet most of the day and even befriended Bill or Joe...whatever (picture) at the wet bar. He is now digesting in front of South Park in Spanish which I believe must el Parque del Sur or something…..I was delighted to hear fellow guests at the buffet pointing out that they had seen “caviar” as well as other describing the hotel as a “fine example of architectural design” and a "a true taste of romantic Europe". Well white trash deserves vacations too and I am expecting to meet Jim S. here at any moment. I am also stocking food and alcohol as I still have hope that a hurricane will intervene into our vacation plan. Thank you to Ari S. for his words of encouragements.

On the gay teens hanged in Iran, I sadly had confirmation this morning through a few blogs as Guillermo pointed out. It is such a shame: these kids were only 17 and 16. Such barbarians … and yet their barbarism is backed up by the rampant homophobia in our societies. I am tempted to carry-out some straight bashing among the frat boys in the hotel and invite you to burn down the senate for me.

I am off to watch mallrats on my laptop. Get the f**k out.

Bloggi blogga on my way out

I read today that two teens were hanged in Iran for crime of homosexuality. The message was forwarded by Guillermo V. and could not double check if it was true. I would be very interested to know more about it. I was telling LL yesterday at diner that I believe the half-baked comfort that we enjoy as gay men in the United States has spoilt us and we do not feel the need anymore to demonstrate in the street and launch civil disobedience campaigns to protest for the rights we deserve. We even end up forgetting that it is a scandal that we do not have equal rights and that we are the victim of a timeless persecution. We should pause sometimes and think about the toll of deaths that the socially acceptable homophobic thinking is responsible for. If we really thought about it, we would probably end up entering in a guerilla that would defeat our persecutors.

This being said, I will not enter no guerilla but leave in vacations with gorgeous LL I suspect that we will not be gay bashed but cannot promise anything. Dearest textbook closet case/self loather Peter R. (that I am not allowed to name in my blog) just recommended to me a blog, probably so I can learn the blog étiquette. The guy recommends Londoners (do you say that ?) to use bicycles these days which is undoubtedly a very deep thought.

Ok I am off to some Mexican adventures, if you need to contact me for any blog related emergency, you can reach us by fax at: 52 998 881 4310 or ask Kevin D. to write down a message (Kevin is very busy reading Harry Potter this days, poor Drew) You won’t hear from me for a week I promise, those are YOUR f****ing vacations. Merry Christmas.

Back to the basics...

In the news today. Note that LL’s prose led to comments from such celebrities as NYC based Chris R. and Dr. Scott E. and Mister Hyde. I am quite jealous ! The Victory Fund asks us if outing is ethical. Which leads me to ask if any of you got to meet Euan Blair who is interning on the Hill this summer with David Dreier ? Euan has a girlfriend I hear. In other news, if you ignore the fact that I relapsed a few times (for 6 months last year I believe), today is the 3^rd anniversary of my quitting smoking. This means that I did not smoke 26621 cigarettes, saved 6 months, 23 days, 8 hours of lifetime (I really wonder what I’ll do with them) and did not spend $4,659.38 (I also wonder what happen to those).  I am still not convinced though and, as LL would say, I was  much sexier when I was a smoker. Alex A. made it back to th US but is in summer camp up north and will not return to DC until the 7^th. Charming Ryan L. is on his way to Puerto Rico and nobody knows who is to console exactly (Ben T. most probably...certainly not Michael B.).

On fortune.com, today a nice article on hypomanics, I know many of them. During the WE, we swing by Thomas Pink, and I had my measures taken. Well the clerck (please refer to my earlier diatribe on clercks and waitresses in the US), ended up telling me that I would need to have my shirt tailored as I am a 15 ½ and a 32 basically calling me a Monster. I do have quite a large neck for my size but yet was completely offended and stormed out. On Desi D., I am quite astonished the guy is still around however I wonder until what age you can be a young democrat. LL got a new phone in his cereal box this morning and he has been running around the city taking pictures of himself in bathrooms mirrors, my question: should not you get a summer job at Pizza Hut like the other teenagers ?

I know I promised not to talk about stocks anymore but Netflix, the stupid investment of the month, was doing so well today. J-1 and Tristan and LL will fly away to a land of devastation and natural disasters for their death- defying vacations.  Finally, we found a picture of Olliver D. with his natural hair color (on the left).

From twink in résidence: LL

Dear readers,

Tristan has kindly allowed me to blog in his place for the evening; he’s otherwise preoccupied cleaning up Olliver’s vomit. The first thing I’d like to point out is just how many of you actually read this GD thing – despite your complaints that you’re notified each time it’s updated.  Walking down 17^th street, for instance, every little homo on the street (Fagzilla aka Ryan P. among them) wishes FHC a good vacation to Cancun, or, alternatively, welcomes him back from Tunis. Moreover, 306 of you f****ers (as they say in la Spain) have visited his Friendster page since July 6, 2005.

Today I tried to implement a new policy at the suggestion of Bob S. that Tristan and I speak only his native language for one hour each day so I can be as fluent in Tristan’s language as he is in mine; not only was my request rejected instantly, but I was thoroughly ridiculed as well.

We’ve given up on reading for the evening and instead plan on watching the Pianist. So far the death count in all the movies we’ve watched on Netflix since June 1 is at 26. After this evening, I expect that total to climb astoundingly to approximately 12,000,026. On that note, if anyone has any uplifting movies to recommend – the House of Sand and Fog is just the most recent example of the depressing movies I’ve been forced to watch – please post your suggestions in the  comments section.

Finally, we had some trouble agreeing on a good brand of sunscreen to purchase.  Again, please post suggestions below, keeping in mind that we’re not looking to go any higher than SPF 15 (Tristan already has a good base from the fake tan he got yesterday next to Cobalt), and that we’d like to avoid anything oily.

Your friend, LL

Porn star hung himself...

I here the TT divorced which is none of my business. I just read in Blink that the level of contempt in a relationship is usually a good tool to predict how long it will last. Wild boys….LL and I went to Universal Gear to watch the weird clerks and had to buy some ridiculous swim trunks I could wear for my humanitarian trip to justify our presence. We settled on a Blue Man Brazil that will always be painful to wear. Being gay is about wearing clothes that make you suffer. I regret my straight years, I was always so comfy….There is a pair of trunks on e-bay, I think you fat people should bid on. Tim Barnett, the porn star, hunged himself after rapping 5 women or so I hear (Jon H. wanted to watch one of his movies in memorium). Tonight at FHC’s, John J. and Ben T. spread nasty rumors about much D.C. f***ers, who sleep with who and so on. Ok enough I’ll go to bed then ! Tomorrow, we’ll have a guest entry by LL if he ever wakes up. I just read that the cousin of the man whom London police shot to death said his family is angry over the killing….British people are so stoical ….

Attack on my blog...

My blog has been broken since Friday night which did not allow me to spread such important news as the fact that Ben T. went on a date that evening (not that this is such a rare event but this time with sleazy Kevin W.) and that LL was finally back home. The truth is that I think someone bribed my blog provider to bring it down but we are fighting back...the truth shall prevail...

A little update from the gay socialites who’s who is of circumstance Stuart S., Ricardo Z. and Etienne T. (who used to be a sneaky voracious bottom full time so far I guess) just announced publicly some improvement in their career path in Washington, DC and NYC. Of course we should add that Ricardo Z. is working for the company that dress gym bunnies all over the world, Stuart S. is juicing the very famous American democracy for himself, and Etienne T. is carrying what seem to be his usual business at 172 Rivington St, App#4 in NYC. Among the horrendous things I saw in the local paper and that I could not share earlier, Arturo R. accepted to pose in the Blade for Dr. Scott E., who supposedly makes him smile, while David B. put his face up on a flyer to sell houses. Gay marketing always drove me crazy....On a ligher note for a Saturday evening, we saw Johnny D. in Charlie in the Chocolate factory. LL thought that Willy Wonka is a weirdo who looks like Anna Wintour. As I am a Hoompah Loompah fan, I had a great time. We just left home and are now off to train some squirrels for our personal use.

I am a sad sad Yoggi !!!

Seen at the gym yesterday Ben T. all dressed in black. I wonder if he is mourning for our lack of contacts these days. Shariar F., a local star, was there too. Results is such an upbeat place that I am seriously considering to join the Fitness Program at my work. Anyway I stopped taking collective showers such a long time ago that the incentive to spend so much time with Universal Gear core clientele disappeared.

Also in the news today, Brad Pitt diagnosed with a mild case of viral meningitis. Spending too much time with asian babies will do that to you…. More interesting is the fact that famous bimbo Collin F. did bitch in a bulletin about the fact that Friendster blog update emails clogg up his inbox! I have 2 questions: who gives a f**ck about Collin F’s inbox ? and second how do I manage to control my anger so well ? I felt relieved to read that he is stuck in Minneapolis for the summer. But like cases of meningitis in the states, he might come back one day…

I dragged Caroline V. to lunch at Kinkead‘ s for her birthday today and they refused to serve me a glass of rosé because I did not have an ID. I did not snap and because of so much self-control they did not charge my diet coke. Did you know that Netflix has 3 million subscribers ? Who as a dealer in the Yucatàn ?

Also to our friend Kevin who complained last night that my fixation on stocks was a problem, I suggest to visit this blog and notice that it could be worse: it could be about the technical issues of an iPod. Who is uneven steven ?