Let’s talk about it ! What is it exactly about “balding” ? I hear a lot about it these days. People snap at me a “you are balding” or “anyway you have a receding hairline” with the same accusatory ton of voice than if they were saying “you are torturing toddlers”, “you stole my iPod” or “you are dying of AIDS because of your sins”. After parties people describe me as “the balding Spanish guy that was seating on the couch” a bit like if balding was the only thing I did all evening long or my entire life. Yes that’s what I do for a living: balding one hair at a time by myself. Even my hairdresser talks abut it with contempt knowing I won’t be a client for long anymore and LL, when I mention my hair loss replies “no, you are fine”. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
What I find also appalling is that “bald” is
much more ok than “balding”, like “dead” is much more socially acceptable than “dying”, or gay is much more acceptable than gay men actually practicing sodomy. What is not ok is the process of publicly losing my hair: it is just rude and scary ! Society’s hatred for the baldings only turn to sympathy when the baldness is so complete that it could actually be due to chemotherapy, electrochoks or extended vacations in the Chernobyl area. Why ? because “balding” is synonym of decay and aging while “bald” is a sign of death and resignation.
Oh I am not going to write that I am ecstatic about losing my hair: I resent shedding on my pillow sure… but I usually deal with my physical flaws. What I have difficulties with is dealing with the shame and the guilt of balding. That is the reason why I avoid to get in the water at the pool or the beach, to meet with people during the few minutes after a shower, or to walk in the street when it is raining even a little because the stigmata of balding are the most obvious when your hair is wet. It is also the reason why I started frequenting the 18th and U Diner instead of Apex or why I only go to the hairdresser at night. Balding is like killing people: I really don’t want to do it anymore but I don’t know how to stop myself. And balding is even harder to hide than sexual orientation, it is written on our forehead. Sure we can wear caps or comb over but we cannot avoid to have little kids say at least once every two weeks: “look Mum, he is balding: why does Jesus hate him ?”.
Being gay and hair challenged is, of course, painful (don’t even mention short, jewish, gay, balding with glasses) particularly now that Propecia appeared. Here is the dilemma: we need hair to trap people into having sex with us right ? but to keep some hair we need Propecia ? however with Propecia we are unable to have sex and anyway don’t have the means anymore to pay the Crew Club fee (delaying balding is a rich man thing). Yes, I said I was against self-improvement but trying to keep what you have seems legitimate to me.
Balding in our society screams shadiness. Even in the old testament hair is synonym of strength while in “Austin Powers” (another sacred foundation of our society), the evil is bald…and the mini-evil is bald. Valdimir Putin and Larry David have been balding for quite a while. It is just a question of time for people to stop blaming the Spanish and the gays for disasters and start “strategically relocate” balding and bald people in some camp in Eastern Europe. My only hope is that before that happens science will be able to prove that it is actually genetic or perhaps that we will get our own land.
In blogorama, I am glad to say that Koba (who called me crazy and also mentioned my hair today…that’s all I hear this week “balding mad FHC”) is writing again and is writing very well too: you see there is not only retards on my Friendster. Among my dull friends, there is a few brilliant diamonds. I suspect Koba was a bit heartbroken lately but I have no proof. Also I would like to refer to Chris R.'s very good article on balding.
Baldingly yours. FHC
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