Motorola’s successful attempt to ruin an otherwise perfect week-end

Ring ring ring, ring…Who is it ? RAZR. RAZR who ? RAZRV3-I’ll-fuck-up-your-WE-and-kill-your entire-family . You can always count on new cell gadgets to ruin a perfect fall Week End. It all started so well: a three-days week-end, a comfy wood fire, cups of steaming peppermint tea, new pillows, cute LL without homework and Barbara playing that Pierre song I like. And then I greedily carried out my August 12^th ‘s plan to get a new cell phone. POOR ME, what did I do ? I was managing so well with my old phone, an aging yet upbeat Sony Ericsson T610, what did I need to open pandora's box ?. Why couldn’t I resist this useless shiny overpriced cell ? now things will never be like before.

First, I could not transfer my address book. So I decided to open the manual. I just did not remember, that these “owner manuals” are written in a completely unintelligible language that a foreigner in its late twenties like me has no chance to ever come close to understand. I ended  up copying twice half of my address book and wasn’t able to delete these numbers afterwards. It will take me years to enter the zillion numbers one by one back in the phone. At this point, it's obviously smarter to get rid of my current contacts and just start my social and professional life from scratch. RAZR V3 ruined what was left of my human interactions.

And then all these new functions panic me completely. I have no the least idea on how to use this cell phone. I am not able to read my messages, I hate the phone’s ring, calling LL takes me ten minutes and there is no way this will change by itself. How will I ever learn them ? I could not even find a class at the JCC. How will I find the time to carry out all the other tasks that constitute my life ? Now I feel guilty about taking a nap or blogging because I should be LEARNING my new phone. This incredibly nerdy technology makes me anxious. It will take me years to slowly learn to program this monster and comes to term with expressions such as “Bluetooth-enabled” and when I’ll finally be done with it, it will be obsolete and I’ll have to replace it again. I even found myself at a diner party yesterday saying to the person on my left “Well perhaps Fibromyalgia is wracking your body but you see I have this horrible cell phone…”.

Then I overpaid the f**ing thing. At brunch this morning, this insufferable Jewish doctor starred at my cell and said “oh yes, they give away these for free now”. Then I check my hotmail account and I find this wirefly’s advertising in which not only do they give away the cell phone but also give you some gadget free to take it. I overpaid an already obsolete phone that I cannot use. It just kills me. I’m not gonna make it pass 27 years old. Not with this cell phone, this is clear.

Anyway I ended up with an anxiety attack, terribly painful headaches, the thought of my phone’s user's manual gives me skin rashes, the concept of a SIM card makes me barf and the sharp pain in my right shoulder is back. I feel my old urges to smoke and get some drugs. I refuse to return to the store and I cannot even break the f*cker because LL knows I’ll have done it intentionally. I am really not sure I will get through this. I can't even masturbate anymore without thinking of how to fix my cell phone problems. Isn’t it clear that millions of people suffer needlessly because of all the useless new little tools continuously created by companies like Motorola, Apple and Toshiba ? I HATE CELL PHONES - I HATE CELL PHONES - I HATE CELL PHONES - I HATE CELL PHONES - I HATE CELL PHONES - I HATE CELL PHONES -

Comments

Ummm... I think bluetooth is precisely meant to help you transfer data all at once like...you know... your address book...
But that nice piece of advice might be coming too late... You probably pulled already an allnighter.

[myke]

i generally like gadgets but really only use my phone for talking and the occasional text message ... i still want an ipod though .. just not built into the phone.