The apology of routine by dull FHC

We were doing our Saturday afternoon walk by the Chelsea piers as we always do when I am spending the WE in NYC, when LL turned to me and commented “isn’t it strange that we always do the same thing ?”. I could not help but yell“what the f*ck is wrong with routine ?”. Dogs, children and autistic people love routine and guess what ? they are happy (besides Rain Man who might have been a bit disturbed…perhaps…Elizabeth Smart…who is nymphomaniac and sad sad Snoopy ). I think mischevious LL was just being intentionally irreverent as I am sure he must have noticed by now that FHC is predictable and, therefore, boring.

Is FHC really a complete BORE? Let’s say it loud, I love to eat, do and think the same ol' thing preferably in the same limited space. Unfortunately with my usual lack of luck I was born in a f**ed up society that prizes novelty as being “fun”. We all know that America and the gays look down at intimacy, stability and security and believe in the myth that new is fun, and old is boring. Well... our friend FHC refuses to participate in the race to seek an exciting, rewarding, kaleidoscopic life full of surprises. I also refuse to live amazing adventures or experience the world and I won’t buy a Winnebago. Nor do I want to “get rich or die trying” by the way. People who “bring magic and creativity into their daily lives” make me barf my lunch bag. Variety might indeed add spice to life but spice triggers my irritable bowel syndrome so I avoid it. I despise new people, new places, new tools and new plans. If it was my call we would still be non-nomadic prehistoric gatherers living in tipis or even ...caves for that matter. In DC, I never leave a square delimited by Constitution avenue and U street and 14^th and 18^th street: I have never been in other parts of the city and I am not interested. My gym, my work, my house, my doctors, my shops and my friends are all located in that small place. I always dine out in the same places and order the same thing: at Hamburger’s Mary I order the Meaty Mushroom Burger, at Sette, the Calzone, Hank’s, the Fish N’Ship and at L’Enfant, the Ham and Gruyère Crêpe. At the supermarket I always buy the same things over and over. Even in bed, I rotate routines as I was told it is mandatory to keep sex interesting (1^st WE of the month: Routine A in bed with the lights off, 2^nd WE of the month: Routine B on the sofa with the lights on, etc…e-mail me if you want details). My rules, traditions and rituals are my calm and orderly response to an increasingly complex and innovative world and I'll stick to it.

I think I am even going to launch a movement called “F*ck change, f*ck upgrading: Old is the new new” and we will meet every Saturday afternoon by the Piers.

Ok I am off to la Guardia. Ari S. told me that there were mullets at Halo last night. Thank god I was in NYC. We ran into William B. and like usual there is nothing to comment about.