Your scientologist friend FHC thinks your IQ is too low

I have been looking into becoming a “scientology clear” (SC as we call it in “the exciting world of the totally free" ) now that I am off antidepressants, crystal meths and twelve years of Catholic school. I received a little pamphlet on this cool new religion on my way to the office and the scientology beliefs seemed totally adapted to my current situation so I called this nice empathic guy, Jackson at (202) 797-9826  (no proselytism here at FHC’s, I just want you to have his number in case you too WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE…you never know). So our friend Jackson (I also want you to have his e-mail) - may Ron Hubbard bless his heart - told me that a SC gets the following stuff with his scientology membership:

-         Improved IQ: Now, THAT, I find always very useful and recommend to everybody. Perhaps, with an improved IQ, I could start to do the crosswords in the NYT Sunday edition with LL and read Amistead Maupin. It might also help financially: strangely enough I did not win the powerball,  yesterday and that puts me in an awkward position as I had promised a cute loft in NYC to LL (he lost all of his savings on Pfizer Ahahah). So yes improved IQ would be very appropriate.

-         Creative imagination: finally something clever to write in my f*cking blog. I might think about inviting vividblurry   to join the SCs too because Toby seems a bit low on Creative Imagination these days. I could propose it to Trent too, a religion for famous gay people seems perfect for someone who prides himself into hanging out with Madonna.

-         Amazing vitality: less nap time, more productive time. LL suggested I try some Monster Energy but joining a cult seems much smarter and healthy.

-         Deep relaxation: that would shut up Panicked FHC forever.

-         Good memory: so LL does not have to remind me that I am not single anymore all the time.

-         Strong will power: So I can resist the temptation every single man faces. This being said, I think Islam might be a bit better to acquire strong willpower.

-        Radiant health: That I am not sure about: anything radiant seems extremely hazardous to me. I had to look it up and bought THE radiant health book (no purchase obligation, I just want you to know this book exists…in case you want radiant health too). Well “the term is a translation for the Chinese term meaning health beyond danger”: if that’s Chinese, it must be good. All these china men I saw in San Francisco were at least a hundred and were strolling like kids. Let’s hope mental health is included.

-         Magnetic personality: Magnetic personality is such a West Coast thing. Nobody is ever magnetic in DC. I went to the Diner two weeks ago, nobody was magnetic. I want to be magnetic like Jessie Cole (I preferred her with long hair though) ! and mystique too. I’d like to be a jock while we are at it.

-         Good self-control: That is very much needed too: btw I plan to get the RAZ V3 this week end so my boyfriend will think that I am a cool dude ! if you have any contrary advice, please let me know before I take this crucial decision. I’ll buy some pillows too but I'll wait another year to get a video ipod.

In other news, someone ordered a “Spiced pumpkin Latté” at Starbucks this morning plus a woman introduced herself by saying she would be our “barista” today ? How ridiculous does it get ? Do Starbucks people have any dignity ?. I still have a year to make an entry about the laughing cow contest. Why does my mailman refuse to collect the netflix movie I leave in my mailbox ? (is he dumb ?). In blogorama: NOTHING because I am so fed up with reading about Madonna …really really fed up. Tomorrow, I’ll blogg on pony rides and Kabbalah.

Comments

[Do you have plans for Halloween?]

I once paid a visit to the scientology church on Connecticut & Q (lots of fun for who doesn't have plans for Halloween). The woman ended up taking me to the "celebrity room" and tried to sell me a machine that looked like a big red Fischer Price toy. She looked into my eyes and said with a straight face: "you know, you should buy this amaaaazing machine. It erases stress from your brain & body. Just like that... gone.. And as we all know, stress is heavy, so by the same token it makes you loose weight. Believe me it works".
Not kidding. So for $400 you can be a relaxed much-better looking person.

[Tristan]

Can I borrow the machine ? can Alex S. borrow the machine too ? pleaaaase

[Do you have plans for Halloween?]

Jackson wouldn't lend it to you?

[LL]

Doesn't scientology also cure gay?

[Tristan]

Jackson is a tiny bit selfish with his faith, and he didn't really want to share the weight machine with
me...Jackson is also a tiny bit gay.

[Tristan]

Why L you don't enjoy playing same sex-couple anymore ?

[LL]

Of course, only my new partner proposed to me under the eiffel tower: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000129/