A summary of FHC’s uneventful yet loving year

Please let step back and rejoice as a family, a community, a country, a hord, individuals ....friends...whatever. In 2005, FHC started 1 new job and 1 new relationship with a charming guy both witty and rude. He quit Wellbutrin, Buspar and Remeron in September and woke up every night after that around 3 a.m. for exactly 20 minutes. Consequently he fired his therapist and just stopped calling his psychiatrist. He had three full-fledged panic attacks due to a mix of caffeine and anti-allergic medicine. He had sex with about 3 people (2 very early in the year and then one for a longer period of time): a serious crackdown on anonymous sex. And, to make matters worse, the pope got into in a coma and eventually decided to die and a guy who looks like Mickey Mouse replaced him. For the first time in 5 years he did not break up with anybody but his roommate broke up with his punky drewster 99 times. He spent about $2,000 more than he actually made. He bided on many tiny apartments and gave up because he could not afford any. His roommate threatened him to move out and then faced the fact that he had no choice. FHC went 10 times to the acupuncturist ($85/session), 11 times to the psychiatrist ($15 co-pay), 17 times to the therapist ($110/session), 3 times his gastroenterologist (he even had an endoscopy to feed his hypochondria and close the whole Giardia episode with some ruffies and loved it!), he had uncountable allergy shots in his left and right arms ($12 before June 2005, $20 after - entirely covered by Aetna). He traveled to 5 countries (2 in Africa, 2 in the Americas, 1 in Europe). He spent 8 Week Ends in New York (1 in June, 2 in July, 2 in September, 2 in October, 1 in November but then WHO is counting in that f*ed up relationship, WHO?), 3 in Paris (as well as 1 Touristy trip with LL but it does not count). He took three vacations of about 7 days each including one gay wedding in San Francisco. He only had 1 Herpes episode but it was a triple labial one which, everybody knows, count for much more. FHC changed twice of dry-cleaner. He stopped taking propecia for two months in the summer and lost 1/6 of his entire hair; as a consequence he got back on it and approximately popped 283 orange pills. He stopped going to the gym on a regular basis but started running more often and as a result does not look like anything naked. He joined Netflix.com, Ameritrade.com and e-bay.com and became a mildly satisfied yet very active member of the three. He watched more than a hundred netflix movies, did not make a penny on his stocks and bought for $1592 on e-bay (don’t even ask what ….please). That year, FHC cried only once (because of his mother). He only went once to Nation but did not do any illegal drugs in the entire year. He received flossing in the mail from Elayne S. He got a brand new niece in May 2005. He stopped saying “let me tell you something”. He stopped seeing Frif T. and Rodolphe B. (who wrote to him “I am happy you are happy” on 08/25/05), shipped Ben T.-the-marketing-twink to Bologna (where he was miserable) and yet survived because he met Frederico C. and Kevin W. He started FHC’s aborted blog, killed it and resurrected it three days later. He posted a total of 191 entries which led to 305 comments (meaning less than 2 comments per entry). The real question is – what sort of karma should I now expect based on such accomplishments? Also who's the boyfriend?

Comments

[LL]

You also left off number of visits to strip clubs in SE. But who's counting?

[Frederico C]

"and yet survived because he met Frederico C. ", who by the way was also shipped to Portugal later that year! Yet, I feel honored to be part of FHC's 2005 highlights! You left off the number of times you said "Last night I got so wasted" (53 times between March-December 2005) and "you're so busted" (179 times, same period).

[Adrien]

so wait a sec, if i'd emailed a year and a few days earlier, i'd be in for some anonymous sex'n?