I Like Black People More than You and I'll Prove It

Disclaimer: I don't even know who that kid is whatsoever. Your buddy for life, FHC

Dear Readers,

It’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve been permitted to blog – and although I begged and begged when FHC was away, I wasn’t allowed to take the helm of le blog on my own.  Apparently, I’m reckless and untrustworthy.

I spent the weekend here in DC, and it really makes me wonder why I’m planning on moving back here this summer and when I’m done with school.  I mean, first of all, there are approximately 7 trendy restaurants in the entire city, none of which take reservations and all of which had hostesses who looked a little bit too gleeful when they said, “Oh, a party of five?  That will be an hour at minimum, and probably much much longer.”  Oh, sorry, that’s not entirely correct.  One of the trendy restaurants, Logan Tavern, does take reservations.  But only for parties of 6 or more, and only between 5-7pm and after 10.30pm.  Thanks, really helpful.  Fortunately, all these restaurants have learned to cater to the homosexual community by giving us little buzzers that operate as far as Crew Club to let you know when your table’s ready.  Because “notification” is really what these long, vibrating sticks are for anyway.  The restaurant situation has become so bad that restaurants that aren’t trendy, cool or hip also have eon-long waits.  The hostess at Alero last night practically spit on me when I told her how many people were in our group.  She started taking bribes from the starving masses, at which point I had to point out to “Carlotta” that she plays the lowest role in the restaurant food chain.  Another problem with DC is the number of gay men, which I estimate to be approximately 23.  I know, this town is supposed to be so gay friendly, and really it is, for the two dozen of us who live here.  Have you ever noticed that it’s the same gays every place you go?  Could that many of them really have identical twins?  It would be bad enough if all 23 of us were all friends, but of course we’re totally socially competitive monsters: The least gay friendly people in DC are the gays themselves.  In fact, the reason Alero was so crowded last night is because 18 of the cool gays had decided to have some sort of underground sex party there, and it was so A-List that even FHC himself didn’t score an Evite. 

Meanwhile, FHC are happy to be in our clique of 2.  We rented a flexcar yesterday and drove to Bethesda to do grocery shopping.  Even though there’s a grocery store approximately 50 meters from FHC’s, he wanted to get acquainted with the “suburban” living, which mean grocery shopping around domesticated women trying to balance strollers with shopping carts.  The suburban scene is completely foreign to FHC: he couldn’t stop staring at a black man who was letting his children run wild in the produce section, and couldn’t even come up with a good excuse when the father accusingly asked, “What the hell are you looking at, Frenchie?”  Which brings me to the last part of today’s blog – how racist are you?  Apparently some Harvard psychologists (it’s French, so you have to pronounce the “p”) have discovered the perfect method to test for anti-black bias.  You’ll all be glad to know that “[my] data suggest little to no automatic preference between Black American and White American.”  It’s funny, though because they didn’t test me on my attitudes towards Negroes, which I think might have produced a different result.  Flawed study much?  Anyway, you should all take it and post your results in the comments section.  Most racist gets a free lunch with an FHC staff member of your color preference.

We’re off to take the bus back to NYC, where fortunately all our neighborhoods are segregated based on sexual orientation. 

Kisses from NW DC,

LL

Comments

[Frederico C]

My data suggest a "moderate automatic preference for European American compared to African American." I sure hope I am not the most racist around here, according to this Harvard Test.

I guess you have to take into consideration that english is not my mother tongue and that I have always had problems in distinguishing left and right...

The reason why I shared my results with you is because I am willing to do anything just to get a free lunch in DC. Any reason is a good reason.

As for the bus to NYC, gosh I miss those 4-hour buses to the Big Apple... I assume you took the Washington Deluxe or the Vamoose Bus, they're the best!

Greetings from Lisbon!