I don’t know about Chlamydia, but someone get me tested for OSCAR FEVER!

Note:  No one has even given me the instruction to blog today.  I’m just assuming it’s my responsibility and going ahead with the operation.  FHC’s Resurrected and staff take no responsibility in whole or part for the surprisingly inoffensive material I’ve composed below.

I’m in the middle of booking my travel to DC next weekend (I know, I’ve been there so many times recently, right?)  It occurred to me, though, that if I return to my home on Sunday, I’m going to miss the 70-something or other^th annual Academy Awards.  Well, in the name of everything holy – and some things that aren’t (cough) anal intercourse (cough) – I can’t miss even a second of the Oscars.  I have, what we call in the business, Oscar Fever.  (No, FHC, this isn’t something you can catch abroad).  Anyway, rather than miss the red carpet, political diatribes masked as acceptance speeches, and awkward kissing on stage (do you think we’ll get a gay kiss in honor of BB Mountain this year?), I’ve decided to come back to Chelsea at the crack of dawn Monday morning.  In honor of my utter lunacy, here are my guesses (not necessarily my preferences) in the major categories, highlighted in red:

Best Actor:

Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote

Terrence Howard – Hustle and Flow

Heath Ledger – Brokeback Mountain

Joaquin Phoenix – Walk the Line

David Strathairn – Goodnight and Goodluck

Surprise Possibility: Edward R. Murrow, for lines that he actually spoke, like, um, in real life.

Best Supporting Actor:

George Clooney – Syriana

Matt Dillon – Crash

Paul Giamatti – Cinderella Man

Jake Gyllenhall – Brokeback Mountain

William Hurt – A History of Violence

Surprise Possibility:  Jake Gyllenhall.  For only playing a gay on TV.  And for getting us to believe him.

Best Actress:

Judi Dench – Mrs. Henderson Presents

Felicity Huffman – Transamerica

Keira Knightly – Pride and Prejudice

Charlize Theron – North Country

Reese Witherspoon – Walk the Line

Unlikely Winner:  Teri Hatcher, obvi

Best Supporting Actress:

Amy Adams – June Bug

Catherine Keener – Capote

Frances McDormand – North Country

Rachel Weisz – The Constant Gardener

Michelle Williams – Brokeback Mountain

Unlikely Winner: Rachel Weisz, The Mummy Returns

Best Original Screenplay:

Crash

Good Night and Good Luck

Match Point (remember, LL, not a comedy)

The Squid and the Whale

Syriana

Surprise Possibility:  Good Night and Good Luck.  Ha, totes JK.  I think that’s called plagiarism.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Brokeback Mountain

Capote

The Constant Gardener

A History of Violence

Munchen

Surprise Possibility:  FHC’s Resurrected Blog, The History of Love

Achievement in Directing (d/b/a “best director”):

Ang Lee – Brokeback Mountain

Bennett Miller – Capote

Paul Haggis – Crash

George Clooney – Good Night and Good Luck

Steven Spielberg – Munich

Unlikely Winner:  Yingyang Lee, Bareback Mountain

Best Picture:

Brokeback Mountain – yada yada yada producers

Capote

Crash

Good Night and Good Luck

Munich

Surprise Possibility: My Dinner with Andre, always a contender, and with new meaning thanks to Tim Gunn 

Comments

[FHC himself...yes...yes]

Lou. I want the lego box for my anniversary present !