FHC’s resurrected blog

FHC scoops his own poop and more

What an amazing Monday. First I discovered I had forgotten to pick up the shitzus shitbags (also called poop bags) during their morning walk. Of course Loulboom decided to defecate in some wild area in front of another glass gay building of Champlain street. I found myself pretty embarrassed as there weren’t any plastic bags in sight and it was clear that the entire Adam's Morgan bourgeois bohemian crowd (including a woman walking some canine-friend of Loulboom and Loul Jr. ridiculously called Charles who had asked me earlier “how many men exactly own these two dogs?”) had stopped to check that I was going to make the environmentally conscious and courteous gesture of picking up feces WITH MY HANDS as my first daily activity. I waited a little as LL suspects the shitzus to be coprophagiac (what’s the right word?) but ended up courageously using some paper. There was a time I believed I would never be one of these guys but you see… At that point, I knew it was going to be a crappy day.

30 minutes later, I arrived at work with a flat tire on my bike. My tire had caught a huge piece of glass. LL thinks it might have been Melissa from Zipcar who sabotaged my bike but I doubt this is the case. Typical Monday. Therefore I had to get all the way back on a flat tire to Citybike during lunch break to have the tire replaced ($14.99 – I also bought a little bell to feel better – only $10.99). I took advantage of this forced excursion in the excruciating cold to stop at 1624 to check on Olliver who was fine and hadn’t overdosed (and of course I cleaned the litter box as if I hadn’t seen enough feces for the day).

The only lighthearted moment today was to read the following quotation on someone’s wall: “Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed. St. Francis de Sales”

The heavy sunday gay agenda

I never really understood that you could be afraid of the so-called gay agenda. Honestly, this lifestyle does not leave room for any kind of political battle. We are powerless. The day you have your Shitzus, your loft, some DVDs and a 30 GB Video I-pod, there is no room for social life, let alone activism. LL and I woke up exhausted this morning after a very disrupted sleep, disrupted both by the few beers we had drunk at dearest Jim’s party (since when a 27 years old gay male digestive system considers four beers to be too many?) and the fact that both Loulboom and Loul Jr. demonstrated all night their opposition to the new closed doors policy in Champlain street (they finally ended up being victorious around 3 a.m. after having munched one l’Officiel Hommes and a Singaporian Men’s Health and shook our bed as if it was a coconut tree). Before I forget, dearest Jim’s party was plain charming, open bar and included the presence of mystery guest Ryan L., the delicious David D. along with half a dozen of Jim M. 2005 ex-boyfriends. Yet we managed to walk the rebellious shitzus, have a tire replaced on the Miata convertible after a 30 minutes argument with Melissa at Zipcar (whom I suspect to be the sister of Sarah at  Zipcar), have lunch in Alexandria, buy my new I-pod, get some ugly T-shirts at Target as well as catnip for Olliver, deliver the stuff to Olliver, take a nap, jogg to the Vice President house, walk the rebellious shitzus for the second time, visit Caroline V. and watch a little bit of “Entourage”. It’s 8:49 pm and I haven’t had dinner.

Babs and Jenna totes say hi!

Today was the day we’ve all been waiting for: FHC and LL’s tour of the West Wing led by Thomas S. B. himself.  We actually had a really great time.  We saw the Oval Office, the Rose Garden, the Press Room, the Cabinet Room, the Roosevelt Room, and a locked door that couldn’t have been more tempting to open that apparently led to the Situation Room.  For those of you watching at home, that’s where President Bartlett makes all his most important decisions.  The only disappointment was that security wouldn’t let us bring the shitzus in with us because of their long hair and history of misbehavior. 

Here at “home” we’re watching Wallace & Grom it, Curse of the Wererabbit.  B- so far, but we’ll give it a little more of a chance.  We’re also running late for Jim M’s 25th – sorry to have to cut things here short.

For our readers in from South Korea, Loulboum and Loul Jr. are adjusting well to their new names and, added together, pooped a total of three times today.  FHC is still getting accustomed to the cleaning up with a plastic bag part – “Loulou, it’s warm!” – see, in Paris, they just leave it in the street for all the banlieuers to step in.

Iloveshitzus209

The Shi-Tzus are fine. Thank you for asking. The night was mostly calm. Kevin D. who is intrinsically rude and extremely bored on Tour woke us up at 12:21 a.m. with the following TM :”No matter what they tell you, the gay scene in Wichita Falls, TC, is not illustrious.”…and the Shi-Tzus might have barged in the bedroom around 4 a.m. but besides that the “Operation Adopt A Shi-Tzu Refugee” was a plain success. We finally decided to name them Loulboom and Loul Jr.

I am delighted to confirm that I bought a ThinkPad T43 last night for a really embarrassing amount. I am now doing some preliminary consultations over the next project: buying an i-pod this should be completed by the end of the Week-end (this little spending deadline game is so amusing)

Sadly everybody that visited FHC in the last few days was looking to “trap a leprecon”. I really wish good luck to all the leprecon friends out there.

We wish you a happy Friday (mine is just painful), see you at Jim M.’s 50^th birthday bash.

FHC n’avo pà puero!

First of all I never thought in my entire life a text message that would say “Hi FHC. Just want to let you know that Maxime and Emile did not poop this morning…” (from the owner) and later on “the dogs are desperate for attention but I’ve finally gotten them both to go to sleep” (L, if you read this please don’t get them high on Lexomil – Thank you). We’ll spend our first evening with the two adorable little doggies tonight. cute. :), :D, ;), :o, :barf, :wouf wouf First I plan to rebaptise them, I was thinking Riri and Fifi or something really gay like that. I don’t even know what they are… Shi Tzus maybe? or some straight hair Bichon?. I don’t know. I’ll take a picture tonight and post it. Also did I really promise I’d buy a computer tonight? how embarrassing ! Let’s just talk about vacations, if you don’t mind.

I am thinking to export LL to Brittany temporarily this summer. We would leave on August 5^th to fly to Lorient and rent an AUTOMATIC car there (interestingly enough I would be the driver with all the associated risks). We might even drive around until some cop stops us. Doesn’t it sound quite exciting? we will also spend some time with my family which will be summering there if I go through the Cyprus trip (see below) without being hurt (low probability). All too charming.

Also I have taken very clear steps towards taking this trip to Cyprus in a month. I think this is going to be very cancunesque (read another people-infested tourist trap), the only difference being the fact that I will be related to the myriad of straight people running around. Gay bashing adds a bit to the stress factor during the vacation but I enjoy adventures.

FHC has wealthy people problems

Quite a sad day today as Miss Deaf Texas 1006 was struck by a train. So I drowned my sorrow in binge online purchasing.

I decided to go beyond my legitimate fear and rent again the Miata convertible at the corner of 18^th and California Street for Sunday. For strange reasons I am somehow emotionally involved with that car.

I have also taken a step closer to buy a computer. I have been saying this for years and it is time to just take action. I wanted to buy one of these computers with the screen that light up and you can connect them to the internet and stuff but based on LL suggestion, it seems I might just get the IBM T43. We don’t buy Dell, it’s vulgar. This is soooo much money (let’s say it, it’s $1700 - Kevin D.'s annual income - and I am not counting the ugly hidden charges and the Microsoft suite bullshit and the i-pod and the Corbinfisher access codes etc…etc…) and it will end up like our friend RAZRV3: outdated and cheap in a year from now. Just today someone told me “oh cute, a vintage phone”. As soon as my credit card will be swiped, the technology will be revolutionized and next thing you know people will access the internet through their toothbrush or an amazing deal will show up on amazon.com and I’ll regret all my life my purchase. If I had married a nerd like Frif did, he would custom a computer for me with different parts but no. You know I don’t really need a computer; it’s just that the gym queens give me dirty looks at Results because I don’t have an i-pod like everyone else. The only way I will ever buy one is by being impulsive. I hereby promised I will have bought a computer tomorrow evening.

Lunch with a neglected friend

I had lunch with Rodolphe B. today at some Asian joint downtown (applause). … or at least someone with crow feets and broken bones who really looked like the Rodolphe B. I knew in the late 60's. The whole thing felt like a miniature Badlands Alumni meeting (I graduated) and I was under the impression that Cookie Buffet was eventually going to show up (thank god she didn’t). I don’t remember who said that old friendships were like “meats served up repeatedly, cold, comfortless, and distasteful”, but it definitely is not the case for ours. Even if Rodolphe conducted the meeting in a very professional manner, we had a charming moment. We shared fond and spicy memories of closer times when Ben T. was slimmer, Daniel B. was naive, Kevin W. did not even exist, Rodolphe B. was a sex symbol and maybe I was….. a little promiscuous. We spent a good 45 minutes acting as if we could not remember the exact reason why our social interaction had decreased significantly in the recent months (hint: he is dating some kind of a real estate queen and I got Netflix). He asked the reasons why I had dragged his name through the mud and I acted as if I hadn’t heard. I did not mention to him that the glasses he had offered to me as a break-up gift were kaput. He also implied a few times that he thought I was happy (read: fat) and I looked really contrite. As Kevin D. would say: if we are going to tell the truth around here, I am going to bed. The guy must be in his mid-thirties now and yet he is still fresh, full of energy and was returning from Jackson Hole. He invited us for diner on Friday but I told him that we had begun to observe Shabbat and couldn’t make it. That’s what is sweet about old friendship you can be straightforward.

Christmas in Autumn or whatever

One day of good weather like the one we had today in DC, makes me yearn for winter. The sun in my eyes highlighting the nerdish pallor of my face, GW’s college girls poor summery fashion, the make your own polo advertising and the odor of my own sweat are just too unbearable. Thank god it's snowing this week-end.

Not only was it a sunny Monday but also a terribly busy one which explains the poor quality of my blog entry. The mad-cow disease re-appeared prompting LL to suggest that “from now on it will be broccoli for 3 meals a day” [as if the kid could cook broccoli]. Some Christmas pictures of LL “looking like a scared rabbit” at my parents’ house showed up in the paper and am glad to reproduce them for your viewing pleasure. Also I came to realize that I have been confusing the word “sensitive” and “sensible” for years which might explain my reputation at work. I had lunch with Arturo R. so we could share some of our crackhead years memory and count each other white hairs. Finally LL is expected to come in town tomorrow night and we have a busy week ahead of us taking care of undisciplined pet.

FHC will love animals and they might love him back

I spent a lot of time at the Corcoran’s retirement house during my three days week-end doing little homy tasks such as preparing a corner in my closet for LL to park his cheap 1L suit this summer as it is now official that he will be living with us starting in May. I also watched “bewitched” and the only time I laughed is when I remembered Kevin D. asking me once if I had seen “Will Ferrell’s dirty sex tape” (sic).

Anyway there was some logic behind my cocooning WE as I am not going to be home much in the coming days. You see FHC will be very busy scooping pets’ poop: I have been asked by a friend of mine who happens to be a part time pet owner to housesit two miniature dogs starting Thursday in Adam’s Morgan. Strangely enough, Kevin D. [who has been diligently letting my plant die of thirst for years when I am on business trips] waited for my positive answer to remind me that I had also promised to him that I would housesit Olliver-D-Le-Chat while he is on tour (don’t be excited, “being on tour” for Kevin D. mostly means getting some weird stomach bugs in motels in rural America). Finally, LL is also coming to spend his spring break in DC on Tuesday. Therefore, I’ll find myself having to take care of two dogs, a cat and a Jew at the same time in two different locations. This is such a liability but definitely a rewarding one: changing cat litter, taking regular long walks at night, discussing law cases. I never had any pet as a child, not even the slightest handicapped guinea pig or fish and I really wonder why everybody always picks me….

…. Incidentally I also read a third of Your Perfect Right “Assertiveness and Equality in your life and relationship” this week-end…

I'm on Spring Break and all I got was this stupid Mystic Tan

I’m officially on spring break from school for the next week, and I have to say it’s not nearly as exciting as it was in college.  Back then, spring break meant 1) two weeks off  2) flying to exotic locations like Cozumel, the Dominican Republic, and Fort Lauderdale, natch, and 3) the opportunity to share a bed with Fagat.  Now, spring break means going home for a weekend and then visiting FHC in DC, which isn’t so much a vacation spot as a place where I’ve been three times in the past three weeks.  What’s worse, everyone around me seems to be looking forward to the premier of the Sopranos, which as far as I’m concerned is about a bunch of opera singers.  Besides, do you really think I can afford HBO?  Spring break used to be something to look forward to; now it’s just anothe r week that FHC can use to accuse me of being lazy and lacking professional activities.

As for our weekend plans, FHC went for a drive with our good friend Kevin Federline and, in honor of CubCub B’s college days, I drove to Evanston to meet  some people for brunch.  I was shamed for trying to order a bloody mary (where are my alcoholic friends when I need them?) so just had three cups of coffee instead.

In travel, the NYTimes totally sold me on Iceland, which is where you’ll be able to find his FHCness and me this summer. 

Sadly, that’s all I have to report on this Saturd ay afternoon, but we hope you drop by again soon.