During our phone conversation last night, FHC said he was going to implement a number of rules for this summer to make sure the two of us get along as “roommates.” Here are some of the rules I’m goin g to have to follow:
- There will be a lot of you shutting up
- There will be a lot of me telling you what to do
- There will be a lot of you not seeing your friends if I don’t want you to
In other words, someone call Ari S. immediately and have him do a story called Modern Slavery: Immigrants and the Prisoners They Keep. What’s nice is that FHC is giving me some practice early by making me a prisoner in my own apartment in NYC. I’ve been told FedEx is coming today with a package from what we suspect might be Ralph Lauren, but no one, not even FedEx, has any idea when today the package is actually arriving. They attempted delivery at 11.36 “PM” yesterday; the only delivery men I know who come by close to midnight are either prostitutes, drug dealers, or from Grand Sichuan. I can’t even leave to get a coffee. First FHC pretended he had no idea what the package was coming or who it was from – “So, LL, what do you think your parents sent in that package? Another cashmere sweater?” I told him they’d sent their gift regular mail. FHC then had to switch stories, and tried to be accommodating, telling me “You shouldn’t wait it’s probably just nothing and besides, you have a lot of studying to do.” Finally, FHC suggested I sign for the package in advance and let FedEx just leave it on the street. As far as I’m concerned, the only thing that guarantees is me coming home to an opened, empty box and several days later seeing a random hoodlum on the subway wearing a bright pink polo monogrammed “FHC.”
The truth is I couldn't be more excited for my package and feel like a little boy on Christmas. Besides, I really need a break. In any case, I’m also glad FHC has set the ground rules for this summer before I arrive. After all, as he explained, our relationship has thrived from NOT seeing each other, so who knows what will happen when FHC is forced to live with my untidiness for three months. I'm not even sure he remembers what I look like. Ok, that’s all I have for today – I’m off to continue waiting for this package.
I would like to let you all know that my little son MegaDCFag has been hospitalized and his perspectives are not very good. He suffers from Chronic anger, Lack of Love and continuous esposure to Republicans. I will keep you posted on how his hospitalization develops.
Posted by: MegaDCFag's Mum | Saturday, April 29, 2006 at 01:00 PM
Dear Ms. MDCF:
After reading your son's comments on this blog over several months, we tend to agree that his perspectives are not only "not very good," but also uninteresting and irrelevant. That said, we hope he improves.
Smooches,
LL
Posted by: LL | Saturday, April 29, 2006 at 01:53 PM
Happy birthday mon LL. You are da bomb !
Posted by: Tristan himself...yes...yes | Saturday, April 29, 2006 at 07:12 PM
i will second that comment about megadcfag's irrelevance, although it has a ring of familiarity (something i once posted in reference to our damien, perhaps???).
and furthermore, how much longer can LL truly be considered the "twink in residence"? i mean, for chrissake, he's already past the quarter-century mark. if LL is still a twink at 25, tristan himself is 136 lbs and has a full and lustrous head of hair.
happy birthday to the most recently retired twink!
Posted by: kevin d. | Saturday, April 29, 2006 at 07:49 PM
I thought Kevin D. was going to challenge the "in residence" part of my title, given I haven't been there since December.
Posted by: LL | Saturday, April 29, 2006 at 10:03 PM