FHC’s resurrected blog : In which FHC gives the top ten reasons why he is an asshole

Lately we have heard a little more than usual people giving us feedback that the name FHC in this city is often associated with the words “bad attitude”, “awful reputation” and “asshole”. As we are very curious here at FHC’s, we asked Pedro and Maria to go around the block and asks people why they think FHC is an asshole. After dismissing the ambiguous (and often undocumented) answers such as “I think FHC is an asshole because I know he is an asshole”, “FHC is an asshole because he sucks his moms dick all the time”, “FHC is clearly not a follower of Christ”, and the very deep “FHC is an asshole because he’s a fat midgetish gay kid” here is some of the most interesting answers we obtained (presented anonymously):

Reason #1. There is a strong rumor that FHC tried to kill his own boyfriend by force-feeding him an entire tablet of Xanax when he was drunk. He also has been promoting actively meth to him as an allergy medicine. All of that supposedly just because the poor kid couldn’t help but wear black flip-flop for one of their outings. Supposedly he also smacked his niece against a coffee table and injured a colleague with a stapler this year.

Reason #2. Each time FHC is caught his hand in the cookie jar; he alternatively uses the expressions “jewish conspiracy”, “group sex” and “lactose intolerance” to justify his acts. In my opinion, that sucks balls.

Reason #3. With FHC you graduate very quickly from “best friend of the week” to “jerk of the month” and from “cool roommate” to “here ! take that plate full of pasta in your f***ing face”. FHC’s entire social network is composed of “former friends” and his favorite sentence is “That‘s the end of our relationship”.

Reason #4. FHC does not really have any strong political, religious or ethical belief and seem to only care about himself. In other words he is a selfish bastard who never ever gives back to the community or only in a very accidental manner (to get rid of small change as an example). He is also so vain that he even thinks this blog is about him.

Reason #5. FHC wrote awful things about some fellow gay immigrants whose only fault was to be unstylish. He also constantly makes smartass sarcastic comments on his closest acquaintances.

Reason #6: FHC is an asshole because he likes to get licked AND therefore belongs to three online communities that, we hear, he visits daily. Basically, he is a sick pervert and is even friend with Rodolphe B. part time.

Reason #7: FHC abused 7 generations of boyfriends and subsequently three of his exes are currently in what looks like a terrible professional haze, two of them are seriously balding and one of them is working in the porn industry. None of them talk to him and some still send him dead birds through the mail every Valentine’s day. He also badmouthed them on many occasion (including in his trashy blog) after their break-up and broadcasted their sexual habits and cosmetics preferences as if it was public information. What a f***er.

Reason #8: FHC is a fuck***g snob. He just turned his back on flip-flops, is known to use contemptuous language with people whose parents live in trailers, he also considers all Americans to be “peasants” and always has a handkerchief sprayed with Penhaligon’s in his pocket in case he “runs into poor people”.

Reason #9: FHC is fundamentally misanthropic; he hates all kind of non-asynchronous conversation and pretends he cannot speak a word of English to avoid human interaction. He is a human-hating cunt in need of therapy.

Reason #10: FHC beats his mum.

You too can contribute to the 2006 Grand contest “why is FHC such an asshole”. Send your answers to [email protected] and you could win LL’s full custody. The FHC is an asshole contest (the "Contest") is organised by FHC’s resurrected blog ("le blog") and managed by Pedro and Maria (hereinafter collectively referred to as "the Mexican immigrants"). Participants are taking part in this contest at their own risk and we will not be liable if they are not happy after they win LL’s custody because i) he studies all the time, ii) he has a bad case of internalized homophobia, iii) he moves a lot in his sleep, iv) he does not cook or clean, v) he only talks about Law School, vi) he is “friend” with Ben T. etc…etc….