I'll take "Rapture Ready" for $400 Alex

I’ve had a lot of pop Christianity shoved down my throat this week.  First, I saw the Omen on Sunday .  I know: not good. (Did the original really star Gregory Peck?)  Besides, it res no acting for Mia Farrow to play a possessed psychopath.  I did learn a valuable lesson though.  If the devil is out to get you, he’ll make you really un-photogenic.  Looks like I might have problems.  Then, I watched an episode of Nip/Tuck in which Christian / Troy and Sean / McNamara operate on a girl with stigmata.   All it takes is a bleeding prostitute and suddenly everyone thinks JHC is watching over them.  The problem, I realized, is that Juifs like me who know nothing about Christianity only get our information from these ridiculous pop culture sources.  Based on the religious films I’ve seen over the past five years, my basic view of Christianity – or really Catholicism except that maybe it’s all the same to me – is as follows: Jesus shows his love by stabbing knives through young whorish women, Jews show their love by working with the devil to stab Him back in return, the Pope lives in a dark smoke enshrouded room and loves astronomy, the Holy Grail is Mary M., and Armageddon will be foreshadowed by a lot of thunder and lightening.  I’m worried that this set of facts would not do me much good in “The Bible” category on Jeopardy.  To top if all off, FHC has left me alone in his bedroom sleeping opposite a giant crucifix, only JHC’s arms are severed at the shoulder and I think he might also be smiling.  The thing that confuses me most, though, is why in all these movies people are trying so hard to stop the Second Coming and the war for our souls.  Other than the fact that some of us might be scared of losing, if it has to happen sometime, I’d prefer it now while I’m still young to enjoy it. 

In other news, if you thought LL was partying it up while FHC was gone, you should have been on the phone with FHC while he was at a nightclub in his undisclosed location.  Who, we wonder, did FHC go with? 

I’m off to go clothing shopping with the almost famous Ben /T. and John /J.  It’s supposed to storm, so wish us luck please.

Oh, and F, some of us are really ready for you to come back home because a) our bed feels really empty and b) I cannot wait to find out what happens on Lost.  And apparently we can't buy lotto tickets anymore.

Comments

[kevin d.]

dear ll,
if you'd like to learn more about christinity i'm sure our own mark h. would be more than happy to fill you in on the finer details. i only suggest that you bring a pillow and that you don't tell him you're jewish.
in other news, i, too, am looking forward to fhc coming home as my bed also feels really empty and now that ll lives here and fhc traverses the globe, i've tragically become accustomed to being the most reviled humanoid in residence at the corcoran street retirement village.