In which FHC gets a Tattoo on his forehead

As I woke up once again depressed this morning - why do my insensitive cousins have to send me over and over these fat pictures from Cyprus? why? I hope the island gets invaded by Israel too -, I was trying to figure out all morning what would make me feel better besides buying what’s left of the Waldorf Astoria silverware on e-bay. I figured out that a tattoo would make me feel much better. A little scorpion tattoo on my lower back or maybe some web design on my shoulder, a blood-dripping dagger on my upper-arm, my initials or the sentence “George Bush is my hero” inked on my calves in some awful gallic/satanic-style writing, Tintin or the apple logo carved my forehead…something to express the fact that I am still young, edgy and getting a lot of action. Something slutty, I want people at the Francis public pool to say: “FHC is some crazy motherf*cker”. I want it to hurt a lot too. But I fear that I’ll regret the whole thing in less than two years and refuse to live with the very gay consequences of my very temporary edginess. I don’t want to be another old poor single gay tattooed motherf*cker eating by myself overcooked burgers served by overweight bubbly waiters at Annie’s at 6 p.m. on a Saturday night unconsciously hoping that a Tsunami is going to destroy 17^th street. And anyway I have enough ridiculous vestiges of my youth lingering around the apartment and strolling around DuPont Circle: just today at llunchtime someone was telling me that Jim S. is slim now. I think I might settle for a nostril ring or a Cartier trinity ring if you think the Tattoo is not a good idea and also I’ll have LL’s head shaven so that he looks smaller. Let’s face it I can’t carry the trashy look; I am just way too elegant for that. I never really thought that my thirties crisis would start that early. And f**ck, it ended up being another gloomy entry.

Once again, I request you to kindly vote for Fagat as the hottest gay journalist in the US: LL and I will vote for Linda Greenhouse just to show we are independent.

Comments

[LL]

But F, you won't be able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.