In which FHC hoards himself to death

Drew W. finally managed to diagnose my condition yesterday: I am a just a hoarder defined as “a person who accumulates things and hides them away for future use” and f***ing e-bay is my enabler. Basically I am a bit like a silly chipmunk or a squirrel. I think I got it from growing-up in absolute poverty as a [really cute] child-miner in the communist North of France deprived of all the necessary luxurious items a French kid needs to know a normal personal development. Also I don’t trust the American monetary system and hate to see money accumulates on my Bank account as I expect the American Empire to collapse any day now. I have this pervasive panic fears that one day Todd’s is just going to get out of business or that the world will run out of vintage Babar’s book so I stash compulsively. I don’t even qualify as a collector; I just like to possess stuff, stack it and then wonder what the hell I’ll do with it. This is a serious medical condition which explains why I find myself these days with many useless stock certificates at home and many more on their way lost somewhere in the incomprehensible postal system. It seems like a few weeks ago, an obscure and complex decision making process led me to believe I needed to buy 20 vintage stocks certificates. Yes I admit that the house is bursting of all the useless items I have accumulated in the last few years (I have come a long way, when you think that I landed six years ago on Ellis Island with only 2 luggages, young, gorgeous and promised to a bright heterosexual future which strangely never really concretized). I have been too long victim of the stigmata associated with my condition and LL and Kevin D’s continuous sneers, I am going to speak up and say that “my name is FHC, and I am a hoarder”. I am going to put my name down on the no e-baying list, put the Corcoran retirement house in fire and check myself into rehab once again.

At 9:15 a.m. I had only heard something like 20 witty comments on the result of the World Cup and Italia's triumph, including one from Englishman in DC, Russ W. As dearest Wendell put it “What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better”. LL could not help but send me this ridiculous dramatically written article. Anyway football and the World Cup are passé…. Don't be so déclassés. Tennis is in. Everybody knows that. I have actually decided to identify the legendary “secret courts” of Washington, DC (not the one that are approving domestic eavesdropping but the Tennis ones) if you know one of them, please kindly e-mail it to me. Oh and happy birthday to la KMZ ! I believe that getting older is a wonderful thing for anybody who isn't gay !

Comments

[LL]

FHC is a hoarder. And you all wondered why we get along so well. Hoard + pack-rat = perfection.

[Andrew]

I think you now have 3 or 4 friends on facebook now. Congrats.