In which FHC is enviro friendly

To the world of commute, my style is the equivalent of being on death row while directing the jihad. I am cycling my way to death taking a few lives on the way. I ride my bike in morning traffic without a helmet, while listening to Stay Together for the Kids blasting on my ipod, (I like to play that particular lyric over and over: F*ck you, here is your holiday). As I cannot hear the vehicles surrounding me, I have to turn my head each time I want to switch lane, and god knows I want to switch lane often. I also make a point in not respecting the traffic laws as I believe they shouldn’t apply to us, bicyclists. Basically my take on this is that traffic laws are for complete suckers: don’t count on me to sit at red light while watching your ugly face in your BMW convertible. I mean we are environmentally friendly, fit, young, American and stuff, I think that’s enough: we deserve love and respect from ugly motorists (zipcar members excl.). Also I shake my heads disapprovingly each time there is a car in my way, I finger salute dumb pedestrians when they force me to stop at crosswalks and I make fun of stuck-up bicyclists using bike lanes with their fugly helmets on. I like to race cars and other cyclists on 18^th street too. I turned into your average DC bike messenger, I have the bike (Jamis Coda Sport 04), the bag (Timbuk) and the attitude…I just need the tattoos. Sometimes, I even shout obscenities but, as Kevin D. kindly pointed out to me, nobody really understand them… not even myself as I have my earphones on. I am such a dangerous and obnoxious commuter that I hate myself: I feel I deserve to be hit by some gigantic truck and have my intestines spread all over the asphalt as an example for other unruly bicyclists. My advice if you see me during your morning commute: RUN ME OVER or just open the passenger door wide open when I come by. It must be a question of days now before one of DC vicious cabs shatters my spinal cord in little shiny pieces and sends me back to France, where my dead body belongs, in a silver coffin. I am such a moron; it’s painful to write about it. On the other end, I don’t do the recycling thing because I was taught not to play with garbage.

In other news, once again it is restaurant week: a good time to stay home because who wants to dine in an under priced restaurant with an awful clientele? and tonight is the premiere of the New York Daily News reality TV show. See you at Results.

Comments

[LL]

1) Where are we watching CRR on Bravo?

2) Haven't you ever heard of knocking on wood?

3) Now you know what it's like trying to ride my bike behind you without getting myself killed.