In which FHC gives a History crash course to its readership

Back when I was dilettante who had still the occasion to have French thoughts in French idiom and could sleep more than 3 hours straight without half a valium, I was quite fond of History. I think I would have become a very erudite tweed jacket wearing History Professor if my father hadn’t declared quite dramatically at a turning point in my studies “if you want to be an artist my son, this is your problem!”. It must have been a while ago because I cannot remember any historical fact anymore or where I left my favorite pen for that matter. I incidentally spent an entire conversation on Baron Von Bismarck (or more exactly on his gay orgies organizer great great great grandkid) at a lunch yesterday wondering what exactly the role of this vaguely familiar name was in the big scheme of things which led us to that current North Korean situation. NDLR: Every blogger must insert “North Korean situation” in all his entries until further notice. For the sake of anecdote, I eventually became something quite different than a History Professor with the sorry consequences we know.

I always thought of History as this unbelievably harmonious and beautiful thing which all ended up with Me. Of course I was conscious of the relative importance of wars in the story of humanity but war still had beautiful uniforms with shiny boots, rules and etiquette, gorgeous open fields, and heroic deaths underlined by witty comments such as “Either the wallpaper goes or I do” (who? Anybody? anybody?)…so it wasn’t too tragic or unaesthetic to spoil anybody’s pleasure. Only in the United States do we assimilate the entire World History to WWII and your tiny civil war (which I never really understood). There were such nicer and more elegant wars before that: you people should definitely learn about if you have an opportunity. Actually wars were much more civil as a general rule before the US stepped in with noisy GIs constantly chewing gums, Josh Hartnett, and nuclear bombs. But then this isn't the only sport you democratized to the point of making it unbearable.

Anyway back to my point, I also enjoyed the fact that history made sense. Events slowly unfolded and it always seemed easy to predict what would happen next. Nobody was really surprised of if they were it’s because they were peasants or were too stupid to read the signs or just uninterested. History was somewhat straight to the point, clean and inconsequent until I became a teenager (I remember that when the Berlin Wall crumbled, we all knew it would happen months before) or actually to be more precise until I started to have gay sex. After that history went berserk. Which is why I could not even find anything rationale to reply to Mrs. Kevin D’s answer to my question on his feelings about the North Korean Situation (bonus): “We are all going to die”. After all, yes lately it seems quite possible that the North Korean are going to eradicate us (which by the way won’t impact history too much as far as our generation is concerned as we have been completely superfluous from both an historical and cultural point of view – particularly the gays if I may add – at least the straight procreated). All that to say that I have all the reasons to be anxious and really don’t expect to get my sleep back in the near future.

Comments

[The *Real* LL]

The whole "ending up with Me" thing pretty much sums up most gay men's experiences with history, I suspect.

[anon]

" “Either the wallpaper goes or I do” = Oscar Wilde. shortly before his death in Paris in 1900.

P/s: I sincerely hope you are not a lawyer - you are far too cute and endearingly neurotic to be another run-of-the-mill lawyer.

[kevin d.]

" "trite quote, not pertaining to anything at hand, referencing paris for no reason in particular" = another irrelevant homo.trying desperately to anonymously kiss some run-of-the-mill blogger's ass.

P/s: i sincerely appreciate you! don't ever disappear forever.

[The *Real* LL]

I'm unclear about why lawyers can't be cute. Eph.

[anon]

Hmm, lawyers are a tad sensitive and not averse to leap to hasty or - gasp - "irrelevant" conclusions, are they not?