In which FHC is an awful flirt

From time to time when I play Tennis in Georgetown, there is this harmless pair of classical DC fag which come play next to us. They are talented: clearly they are awful morons but one has to admit that they play well. If it’s too early in the match, my entire game gets completely horrendous and I usually end up leaving rapidly. If it is towards the end , it usually improves a little. This is very similar to my sorry flirting pattern.

As a general rule, I am not too bad at flirting: I used to make a living out of it in my early days in DC where the only way for me to get a good meal or a jacket was to seduce old people, priests and Vietnam War veterans. But I am completely incapable to flirt with sexy people. Actually let me rephrase that, I am incapable to even converse in the dullest manner with them. How many times, did I find myself motionless, sweating, and incapable of pronouncing a word (let alone an English word) in front of one of my crush… caught like a rabbit with myxomatosis in the lights of a car at night praying for something terrible, like a rabbit genocide, to happen. What I can do is running away in the most awkward manner, being insulting and curt, sounding awfully pretentious or leaving them with the strong impression that I am severely autistic. The longer I stay the more erratic my behavior becomes. Of course this does not contribute at all to get me laid but it gets me a lot of very attractive nemesis and anonymous benefactors. All of my long term boyfriends (or at least the few that were attractive) told me afterwards: “You know…when we met I had no idea you were normal, I just have a fetish for retarded people” (no offense to retarded people intended…by all means).

As a general rule, I think that a good host should always invite his guests who do not look like haddocks two hours after the common ones so that people can enjoy themselves in a stress-free environment and are sufficiently lubricated (with alcohol) when the time to interact with the people they want to sleep with has come. Yeah I’ll probably grow old by myself.

Comments

[LL]

Do I really have to comment if I'm sitting right next to you?

I've never seen a person who looks like a haddock, but Drew W. might come close.