So I am a little worried for my plant. As I am moving into in a dark and damp dungeon, I am afraid that she might not survive it. It’s a pretty ugly plant on the greenish side with a little dirt by the feet but it has a cute story. My first living-in boyfriend (may god bless his heart or whatever organ he has where the heart should be) had a lot of plants in our apartment. The guy was collecting unemployment so he had a lot of time to water them. When we eventually broke up I was feeling very guilty because some stories of my unfaithfulness were surfacing (I might have been a little on the promiscuous side at that time as I hadn’t developed the strong set of ethics and morale I am now equipped with – rule #1 kids: never date someone who just came out) so I let him leave with everything. Per comparison my last divorce was much more economical but then I got a lot less side-sex too…anyway. So when I noticed that he was leaving with all the plants I told him: “Hey why can’t I keep a plant?” to which he replied “You cannot take care of a human being, how do you plan to take care of a plant?”. It must have been the wittiest he ever was (may god bless his heart). So I kept this ugly plant and everyday I watered it and talked to it and everything and each time the f**er would come by I would tell him “ See !!! how beautiful my plant is”. Eventually unemployment ran out and the guy became some stripper in some sleazy bar but I always kept the f***ing plant and now it’ll die. Love that story.
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Comments
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For those of you who haven't seen Plant M. lately, it has approximately one, very brown, leaf.
Posted by: LL | Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 08:16 PM
I will adopt "Plant M." if need be... I have been feeling very Madonna esque lately. I lost all of the plants in my divorce last year, I had to steal some from the neighbour in my last apartment to fill in the black hole where my heart used to be!
Posted by: Russ W. | Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 08:36 PM
lol, rofl, mdr
Posted by: fan | Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 09:45 PM
I almost cried
Posted by: rhino75 | Friday, October 20, 2006 at 03:37 AM
Once one of my many therapists told me: "If you keep talking and telling stories about your first ex, it means you are not yet totally over him". I guess you should kill that plant. However, I loved your little nicious story.
Posted by: Dr. MegaDCFag | Friday, October 20, 2006 at 05:47 AM
I agree with the Dr. Let the love fern die. Get a new plant to celebrate being single.
Posted by: David D | Friday, October 20, 2006 at 10:29 AM