Introducing the Skinny Black Pant

As any of our good friends will share with readers, when Moses came down from Sinai to distribute gay genes around, there are some he forgot to give us: a sense of style, good taste, interior decoration.  The ones he did give us are precisely the ones that people like James Dobson love to hate: alcoholism, fetish for preppy racquet sports, prostitution. 

But worst of all, we have -- shopping addiction.  Don't confuse this with trendiness (we know, the readers who know us best never would.)  We're decidely untrendy.  Even so, put us in a bad mood and all it takes is a handle of Smirnoff shopping spree to cheer us up.  Yesterday we hoodwinked Fishwatch and Carl D. into enabling us on a trip for (skinny) jeans at Barney's Co-op.  Keep in mind we're a poor student; the last thing we can afford is to spend our summer associate salary on jeans that cost more than an iPod.  (Note to law firm recruiters: less popcorn, more denim.) We thought we were just going to browse, trying on different styles so that instead of purchasing jeans full price, we could be well-informed in our bargain eBay purchases.  Slash we almost purchased two pairs then and there and went home with one pair which we love.  (PS - We heart shopping with Fishwatch because he has the perfect gay body and makes skinny jeans that we could never hope to fit into look fabulously normal.)

We first noticed we had the shopping gene when we learned in middle school that if we duped our mom into buying us clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch we would: a) Get to gawk at stunning frat boys on the walls of the store and b) Get a complimentary copy of the A&F Quarterly.  Had we known how destructive all these images of male perfection would be to our developing psyche and body image, perhaps we would have been smarter and only shopped at the Gap started working out in high school so we could look good today.

As puberty progressed, so did the force of the gay shopping gene.  It all came to a head when we were forced to write a note to Santa indicating that even though we were a growing boy we  preferred polos size "XXS" instead of "L" for Christmas.  But the real problem with the shopping gene/addiction is that, like binge drinking, the day after you don't feel as good.  This morning, we keep walking back and forth in the library with our new jeans on, pretending we have to get coffee or use hte men's room, fishing for compliments and yet no one has looked up from their Fed Courts reading.  Hello people, we just bought new jeans tell us how much you like them. 

Comments

[Fishwatch/New Fagat]

OMG - I totally forgot to compliment your jeans at lunch, but I was distracted by your adorable cashmere half-zip sweater with the blue sleeve-stripes. That's probs why no one else is giving you compliments either. Also, I wore my jeans out last night and no one said anything. Except for my aunt who asked if they were women's.

[Andrew Beauchamp]

I know exactly what you mean! This fall as a break up present to myself, I bought a pair of Prada loafers and no one ever comments on them! However, as a true homosexual/kate moss would say, stop eating and save the money either for coke to continue your weight loss, or spend it on a new pair of jeans. visit www.youshouldbeanorexic.com for more ideas.