In which FHC decides to be more proactive in his dating life

I decided to change the “About me” section of my myspace profile as my circumstances changed a little and I have the feeling that the whole “myspace is the only way to have casual sex these days” was not flying too well. Here is the endearing portrait I came up with:

I am a bitter hypochondriac middle-aged immoral European. Of my 13,5 ex-boyfriends, only two are still in speaking terms with me and on average they rate their relationship with me as “Moderately Unsatisfactory”. One referred to me as being “an unbearable egotist”. I only know a third of my myspace friends (the trashy third…the shirtless ones). I am clean now but have a long history of prescription (including painkillers and antibiotics), non-prescription and over-the-counter drug abuse. I still take propecia and about 6 Advil a week though. I also pour myself one cocktail when I return from the office to my dark basement apartment in the evening. I tried to read one book in 2006, the “fountainhead”: about 20 pages before the end, I placed it on my bedroom’s shelf (which was almost empty by then) and never re-opened it. I think this episode illustrates pretty well my entire character. I need a minimum of 9 hours of sleep or my eyes get really really puffy (do you think I might have a thyroid problem? I think that too). Financially I spent more money last year than I made and I am a renter. For a poor and mildly successful young man, I am oddly snobbish and contemptuous of others. My most common emotions are hatred, mockery and jealousy. Most of my social life consists in crashing parties I was purposely not invited to. I only learnt how to drive last year. I am a relatively active member of Results the gym. I approach my thirties (slowly, really slowly) but still had some acne on my face for New Year’s eve and on Christmas Eve some girl told me I looked 34. I am becoming increasingly effeminate every year. If there was a movie about my life, I’d like Parker Posey to get the main role. By the way, I only have one female friend and we don’t get on well at all. I am becoming increasingly promiscuous and some acquaintance recently accused me of relying “on cute mispronunciations and odd phraseologies to […] get laid”. Well he had written “phrasiologies” but I wikipediated it. My favorite dish is veal tongue. You get the picture. Please contact me only if you're SERIOUS about getting married. I'll call you within 30 minutes.

Comments

[Aatom]

I am oddly attracted to you now.

[Max]

Thanks for the link - this is quite the nicest blog that links to me.

[MegaDCFag]

Thank You very much for introducing me to the Jackal, which has become in one day my favorite blog, displacing Fagat to #2, FrenchBenj to #3 and FHC to #4. Jackal has a really interesting life. I am planning to become part of the blogosphere myself very soon.

[Old Fagat]

You didn't pick up.

MegaDCFag, we will fight our way back to the top, just you wait...

[Sushi]

I love that you're trolling for a husband on Myspace. Arn't a majority of them still under age?

[Mark H.]

I just realized that, amidst the bloodbath of last Sunday, I forgot to wish you a happy new year. I really hope that this will be the year for you!

[Tristan]

oh Sushi...under age ...under what ? it's all relative.

I think you should be a novelist

[Ray]

i'll take a bite of sushi and say that i'd be happy to sleep with you if i'm ever in DC. i hope 19 isn't too old, after all, i am legal now...