In which FHC feels that he really is f***ed this time

Yesterday dearest Fagat, who kindly decided to return to the States and is announced for a visit to DC on January 12^th, called to blackmail me (which is kind of ironic, I know! and what a kind way to check in also) over some absurd rumor. I of course settled and sent him a check (nothing big, just enough to get him back on his feet after he lost everything in a relationship with a Spanish stripper). You see I get that pretty often. Well first because of my unruly behavior (which I completely blame on alcoholism, a very low sense of ethics and a Borderline Personality Disorder) and second because I have left so many electronic records of all my dark little secrets everywhere. I am not exactly what one would call a discreet and cautious person. I am not the only one by the way (follow my beautiful gaze..it takes two or three to tango). I consider that all the e-mails I sent and received in the past few years as well as my Friendster, Myspace, Manhunt (etc..) and Facebook profiles constitute a huge liability (not even mentioning this blog which will represent my doom at one point – we all know that). When I think about it, it really makes me feel paranoïd and threatened and also it makes me crave for a cocktail (at 2:30 p.m). What if I ever decide to run for office or feel called to be a priest? Will all this dirt accumulated on thousands of servers all over the globe just resurface and get in the way of my vocation? What if I decide to become straight ? Will I ever be able to escape my past and start anew like baby Jesus? ô rage, ô désespoir, ô vieillesse ennemie, N-ai je donc tant vécu que pour cette infamie [question mark].

Sometimes I think a good step would be to change of identity. Maybe I could steal LL’s identity: I have everything I need, his social security number, his birth date etc…and he left to lead a new life in Mexico. It would take months before he notices and by then I will be free again. I just need to get circumcised (no, not with your teeth Mark).

Comments

[Old Fagat]

We're fascinated by how this account relates the exact opposite of what actually happened.

[Old Fagat]

And he wasn't a stripper, he was a cocktail waitress.