We've received a lot of concerned email recently about FHC's Rehab Entries. Ok actually no one wrote to us about FHC this week. Apparently many of you thought these posts were jokes; those of you that did obviously don't know FHC or his desperate need in the past few months for medical placement. Our visit was brief - the doctors let us sit with him for about 15 minutes. FHC muttered "4 8 15 16 23 42" over and over, but otherwise seemed to be in good shape (for someone nearly 30). Many of you have had questions, and we wanted to take this chance to answer them. (NDLR: All answers have been approved by FHC's publicist and style manager.)
What was FHC permitted to bring with him? Can we have the polo shirts and antique sports gear he left behind?
FHC was only permitted to pack a few limited items - he wears a uniform daily. We brought him some of the things he forgot: a tweed jacket, iPod speakers (they don't let him listen to music but since it was a birthday gift we gave him, he wanted it for the memories), Kiehl's abyssine eye cream, Zirh astringent, and his plastic vilebrequin pouch. FHC smiled wide when he saw us; yet his eyes told us all we needed to know about his current anguish and years of suffering.
What is FHC being treated for? When will he be released?
Unfortunately, the answer to the first question is confidential and the latter too uncertain to speculate. His public statement is that he's undergoing treatment for a "social conditioning disorder," but faithful readers will know that that's only one of many problems.
Are any celebrities in the treatment program with him?
Obviously we're not allowed to answer that, but let's just say one of the patient's nicknames in the facility is Fire Crotch, and we're not talking about Carrot Top.
Can we visit FHC? Does he have a mailing address?
No, you can't. Especially Kevin W., and particularly not at 5am. He can receive mail, but unfortunately the facility opens it all first to make sure its content isn't too upsetting, so we recommend against reaching out to him in any way. Please hesitate before contacting FHC.
What will the New & Improved FHC be like once treatment is complete?
Again, difficult to speculate. But we have a few guesses. First, the new FHC will enjoy listening to people discuss real estate, and he will be genuinely happy for his genuinely happy friends. He will have learned to marinate chicken before grilling it. He will take public transportation. Finally, he will make frequent charitable contributions and fewer uncharitable jokes.
Will FHC continue to blog?
Only time will tell. FHC is in discussions to sell his bio-pic (working title: "La Candeur Infernale de Ma Jeunesse"), and it is unclear whether the production schedule will leave time for blogging.
Please don't disappear (like my blog), FHC! We need you-- especially given the disappearance of mebethie--to procrastinate at work.
Posted by: KMZ | Saturday, January 27, 2007 at 04:27 PM