In which FHC briefly discusses the lies and delusions of Mark H.

Mark H. enrolled me in some DC social activity for Saturday night. I would usually not mind, as the location where I get plastered on Saturdays has become completely insignificant to me as most of my real friends died in the 1990s, but in this case, I actually do mind a little. In yet another desperate bid for popularity among the illusory Washingtonian gay A-listers, Mark blackmailed his closest acquaintances into joining the “Team Dessert and Drinks” of 50-person progressive dinner organized by Joey P (the local Go-Go Mike for your Baltimore-based readers). Our heteroclite team composed of half a dozen middle-aged respectable lawyers with Southern accents, three illegal immigrants and one paid twink will compete against a local toned-down version of the Hot Boy Poss composed of cute paralegals and real estate agents. I did not quite understand the rule but I think that it mostly is about food and sexual favors. Our team’s only motivation being not to get in the way of Mark’s last attempt (the whole youtube thing, mystic tan and pectoral implants thing was a complete fiasco apparently) to graduate from Elk Moutain team to Chicago team and become DC Prom Queen as well as a tiny chance to score a date with members of the opposing teams.

Of course as the days go by and Mark’s complete inability to lead our group into our looming defeat becomes more apparent, every member of our team has been slowly withdrawing from the competition. Ryan T. for example claimed that his dead grandmother will be in town that very night, even after Mark H. threatened suicide if another of his “friends” let him down. You cannot blame them when his latest suggestions were “some sort of entertainment -- lip syncing, maybe?”, “what about hiring LPs? ” and dressing as teletubies. As I am a little smitten by Mark’s extreme conservative christian background, love lost causes and am terrified of what he could reveal if I decided to resign too, I will be there Saturday but I’ll be heavily medicated on alzolam 0.5 mg. Just so you know. Sometimes I really wish I’d live in Scranton, PA.

Ok I am off to finish putting together my Oompah Loompah costume. TTYL

Posted from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Comments

[Mark H.]

Dear Friend in Christ,

Please permit me to clear up a misconception or two that your post may have inadvertently encouraged in your reader(s?).

I should begin by pointing out that I am already the head of the most popular and powerful clique in DC. We are known as the AA List. And as our name suggests, we are clearly at least twice as superior as the members of the lesser A List. Of course, it may be true that I find my friendship with my tyrannical friends both tempting and repellant, as it is based mostly on peer pressure, domination and vanity. Consider, for instance, the cruel way in which some of us have refused to accept your repeated Friendster requests. But this is simply no excuse for you to go on an yet another Alzolam binge.

You are a beautiful person, FHC. And though most people in this world cannot see it, I truly believe that God does.

Have a blessed day,
Mark

PS: If you have any extra Alzolam, please save a couple pills for me for this weekend.

[oliver d.]

is there room for a furry pussy at your social event?

[Mark H.]

Oliver: Meow.

[Mark H.]

Oliver: Meeeeooowwww.

[Mark H.]

Oliver: Meeeeooowwww.