I just woke up from a 48 hours self-induced coma and found the World, at least my world, exactly as I had left it. I am wearing the same clothes than Tuesday, nothing ugly... just very very wrinkly. As soon as it appeared that the sore-throat/fever was going to be an obstacle to my living happily and that Mark H., my amphibious friend, was not going to withdraw the video from youtube based on my arguments, I treated it with my trademark bold-faced holistic method: “the FHC Valium approach”. It basically consists in popping valiums each time you wake up until the symptoms/issues have disappeared while playing “The Lovers” by Peter Doherty in the background. It does not only work for imaginary diseases, I also went through two divorces applying the method. There were two messages on my voicemail, one of which was from my acupuncturist about missing my appointment (nothing is funnier than the accent of an upset Koran doctor when you just took 4 valiums) and another one from the joggin’ doctor reminding me not to drink anything while on Cipro. I also noticed that I lost 1 pound. Don’t judge me. I mean you go to a gym which has “inappropriate behavior will result in immediate membership termination” signs everywhere so spare me.
What a coincidence that on that day, I would also reach 300 friends on friendster. I now have only a few hours before some cute straight girl starts a visit which will end with my departure to the unnamed destination. How fun, a week end of straight-bars hopping drinking Shirley Temples. I can’t wait!
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