In which FHC is hard on himself

The implementation of my new two delusional projects “FHC becomes a yogi before he reaches thirty” and “FHC gets a break from the real world in 16 months” this week end, was seriously hampered by my lack of English (and to a certain extent mathematical) abilities.

I was at Sports Club L.A. Saturday and at Results Sunday for Power Yoga 2 and my performance was clearly disappointing. I could not understand a word of what the instructor would say. She would mention words referring to parts of my anatomy I had never heard before like collar bone and tail bone. I know cock, legs, back, neck and stuff like that but I am sorry I don’t know the name of my bones in English (or even in French actually). The names downward dog and warrior 1 just left me distressed even if I had popped half a Klonopin ahead of time. After the class, old men in the sauna room showered me with advice (like using a real mat) and I just realized it is going to be a really long journey.

I did not only fail at Yoga over the Week-end. I took a GRE diagnostic quiz early on Sunday which turned out to be dramatic. Later on, LL told me on the phone with his usual kindness: “you did better than the monkeys, didn’t you? they get about 25% of the questions right”. Well yes I did, barely. All my answers for the analogy and antonym questions were wrong. I just don’t know these words. The mathematical problem solving was also a disaster. I guess there too I’ll have to study.

In the meantime, I lost 4 friends on friendster (probably the result of not going out for two week-ends straight), it’s raining and LL (whose new friend is a real yogi who eats raw food at 26) also said “you sound so depressed” on the phone today while Chelsea Hotel No 2 was playing in the back. I listened all day to Sung-lo by Erin McKeown.

Comments

[Ray]

for starters, yoga sucks; but if you must, here are some good rules:
first, i'd suggest pot over klonopin
second, always bring a friend who has some idea what's going on. then, just follow them the whole time.
third, wear sweatpants so your shorts dont fall down and create weird situations when things... pop out. preferably wear juicy velour, that pisses all the hippies off.
finally, DON'T TAKE IT WITH A WOMAN. have a man. that way he will come over and inappropriately guide you. i think you'll especially enjoy this part.

[theoneinyourdreams]

yes classes like that are seemingly impossible the first few times--and by few i mean like 10. even when i hit a core power class it is very hard, and i'm a regular bikram person. so when you go, in your mind ready that image of a kitten hanging on to a tree branch and think "hang in there."

also, years of yoga and i've never had a male instructor i've wanted to touch me. though i do have a friend i wish would touch me more, and he is a yoga instructor so i do suppose they exist.