FHC’s resurrected blog

The allergy conspiracy: a puffy eyed revolt

What is up with these so-called allergies? my eyes are so puffy and drippy these days that I consume one Kiehl’s eye treatment container a week and stumble around the office with trendy sunglasses. Everybody thinks LL dumped me for a  younger New Yorker with a full head of hair. It is “allergy season” I am told ….what again ? I thought Spring was “allergy season”. Is it like gay mating season ?. Now “Rag weeds” are supposed to be the cause of my allergies, what the f**ck are “Rag weeds”?  (we are learning so much just by reading FHC's resurrected blog, aren't we now?) I used to be in such a healthy condition in my youth and now I am dying. Thank God my allergist is a local star “named Top Doc in Washingtonian Magazine 2005” as well as a notable from the “American Board of Allergy”: I just feel better saying that loud. Patients flock to the office of Dr. Henry F. these days and he walks around with a satisfied grin on his face as if our misery was his personal victory over nature. Allergy is a wealthy people disease so his office is very well attended. It’s like a hip puffy-eyed pariahs club. Most deals on the hill are now done at allergy shots time in his K street office and puffy eyed, red nosed pimply lobbyists in a state of vertigo are giving away their business card when you come in. I was tested for allergies there, just after Laura B. who is only allergic to most root vegetables I am told (she is lucky… her father is also allergic to bee stings, facts, international treaties and Jacques C.). On the other hand Tristan is allergic to everything and Dr. FF hinted with a re-assuring wink that if I rub myself against a cockroach I might die. For someone who enjoys giving blowj**s to anonymous homeless people that’s always a challenge. He also told me that it was not only the city that was making me sick, but also my home and Olliver D. itself. As I was saying yesterday, I have killed one too many kittens and did not take that as an answer. I also felt it was too high of a commitment, what if Kevin (who probably got toxiplasmosis from Olliver and yet still feeds him) asks me “since you murdered my cat are your allergies any better?” and I have to answer no. How embarrassing for everybody involved (this being said killing a cat is easy, I hear you just need him to swallow Tylenol or a very small amount of antifreeze, no need for a machete in this case...not that I did any research). Plus Dr. F wrote once “the problem is inside you” in this very nice article “allergy myths” and it cannot be interpreted as a call for suicide among his patients. Like a never-satisfied, ever-inquiring child, I continued to ask questions on how to cure my allergies without murdering anybody, or at least anybody that is not a dust-mite, until Dr. F. hinted that there might be a magical very expensive time-consuming boring debilitating cure. In the pre-F era, I would take Benadryl, an allergy medication that would cause me to pass out after two drinks which was quite comfortable for my liver, now I get shots twice a week from a vicious nurse (the shots will only take effect in a few years) and stuff Nasinex in my nose in the morning (plus a few healthy uplifting morning lines). My weekly round of allergy shots coupled with regular heroin shots usually leaves me badly bruised in a pool of my own blood with puffy eyes but I am full of hope for the future.

Quickly in blogobadmannered, for once I had a fan but LL unleashed the full fury of his persecution (a.k.a. KMZ) against him as he had complimented me for my blog and bam ! Bluecitizen-where-are-thou ? I have no fan anymore. Thanks L&L, I’ll make do with "hate mail" from the angry Brazilians mob for now. (LL replies like yesterday : "He electrocuted himself in a mouse trap. I cannot possibly take the blame.") Finally, among other news, I watched "Bend it like Beckam" and LL promised to me I would get my own Indian Lesbian football player for christmas: it is the rage in London. Oh and they put down Goldie ! BON VOYAGE GOLDIE !

FHC, Esq.

How alternative is your lifestyle exactly ?

I thought that today FHC should raise the topic of pornography extremely briefly in order to help his readers stand strong in the face of increasing sexual temptations but I might actually ask Kevin D. to guest blog on that one. After all he did attend the appearance of "adult stars" Pete, Logan and Gabe of Corbinfisher on Friday night (Kevin D. is present at all the wrong parties these days Cobalt on Friday, Results on Saturday) which makes him some kind of a specialist. Since when did porn become so mainstream and socially acceptable, that hanging out with porn stars on the WE is becoming the new hip activity after prayer group ? If I was taught very early in life how to ruse my way in, sleep in the basement, live irresponsibly, support social injustice only if it benefits my specific social group, that real values in life aren't spiritual but material, how to avoid confrontation, be disloyal and deceitful, live beyond my means, kill my neighbor if needed to reach my wicked goals..., I was never told that pornography was ok. However I was told (when I was a small child) that watching porn can provoke unexpected convulsive attacks as well as delay Christmas for many weeks, that too much sarcasm would get me repeatdly slapped in the face, that too much green tea is not good for you and more recently that masturbating causes kittens to kill God. Is this not right? Obviously, I was lied to. Porn is everywhere these days. I was mocked earlier in the month when someone discovered that I had all “Emmanuelle”  movies were on my Netflix queue list as if I had the entire Winnie the Pooh animated movies serie on there. Soft porn is déclassé, hard core is in. At diner parties, it is now very common to discuss your porn collection. I even noticed a local stripper at Alex W.’s party and not long ago I had diner with someone that starred once in a mainstream adult movie. These days “adult entertainers” are almost as frequent as real- estate agents and I feel I need some heavy cultural re-adjustment. Which reminds me of my conversation with one of William B’s tricks back in the day when I was fresh off the boat and gorgeous.

Tristan: So what do you do here ?

Trick: I am a dancer.

artsy Tristan (enthusiastic): Oh nice: at the Kennedy Center ? Good for you.

Trick (bothered): No, at Wet in Southeast.

In other news, as I complained about the wild insects in my apartment, two mice got caught in a mouse trap in LL’s New York’s mansion.  LL wrote very proudly “We’ve electrocuted two of them”: do you listen to yourself LL ? (LL replies: "I’m not a murderer – they commit suicide by stepping on an electrified trap!") angry insects, mad cockroaches, nasty mice: isn’t it a clear sign that God hates fag (if we ever needed one). The Scutigera coleoptrata’s entry got me to bond with my brother TJ L. a bit like Herodians and Pharisees getting together to defeat Jesus (LL…please check Mark 12:13-17). And finally do we need to be costumed too for Karl’s new party on Wednesday ?

In blogorama, Kia has the right friends in the wrong defile, I did prefer the Marc Jacobs’s models then. DClush who is telling us he was kicked out of a strip club reminded me that once, in my very wild youth, I was denied entry "Le Dépôt” in Paris…better kicked out than not let in. I also have a fan, that’s a first. Finally Bourgeois Nerd is confirming my worse fears about the Penguins specie.

Your average alien flick in my bedroom

Do you know what a House Centipede  is ? me either…As I finally woke up from a terrible dream full of murderous tattooed lesbians this morning  (quite usual when  I drink too much) I felt something was moving furtively on my wall and I caught, to my utter disgust, a glimpse of the Scutigera coleoptrata featured on your left. At first I thought that we were finally visited from outter space (which is bound to happen after all the mean things I wrote in the last 76 entries) and thought of negotiating with the aliens to prevent them from destroying Dupont. Those of you who ran into LL yesterday night at Halo or JRs can easily imagine that he had fallen in an ethylic coma and therefore was only useful as a potential insignificant and pathetic human sacrifice to appease the demon slug type creature that was attacking or at least planning to attack my nuclear family. As I was pulling LL’s naked body on an improvised shrine armed with a sharp machete to slit his throat, the centipede moved very quickly to the top of the wall and it became clear that there was no room for discussion. I ran for my life downstairs in a panic. While there I encountered fugly Olliver-le-chat and decided to bring him in my bedroom (where I had abandoned LL laid out, cold and drooling upon the floor still sleeping) hoping that he would engage in some healthy Sunday-morning hunting activity and save the day. Kevin insisted in keeping his teeth and claws and for once I thought this half demented brainless pet could try to contribute to the household life. Once in the bedroom, Olliver started crying (this cat is definitely a neutered wimp) and I had to murder myself the paranormal creature shouting YOU ARE A DISGUSTING CREATURE WITH MUCH TOO MANY LEGS to find the strength to carry on the ugly, dirty job of saving the World. As I was sobbing, poor LL woke up and starred at me and the machete so I had to scream ”SHUT UP I'M NOT A WEIRDO!" and we left for brunch. Ari told me then that once a House Centipede fall on Mike G.’s face and I felt much better.

I won’t go into too many details about our Saturday night adventures as usually that’s the kind of thing that gets me in trouble. Too bad … I am so amusing and delightful when I do so. I did swing by Alex W.’s "Get the f**k out of town" party at the Diner which was very well attended. I was told that we had just missed the preview of a feature-length movie about his life starring Kevin W. as a young Alex W. but I managed to get a pair of underwear autographed that I will sell on e-bay to get LL through his second year of Law School. The evening also included drinks at Alex A.’s, Spencer and Antonio F.’s housewarming extravaganza, a stop in the new Halo, engaging in a knife fight with a thug and even a drunken visit to JRs. The high point of my evening is when Kevin A. that I had not seen for a while told me "It's amazing how much you aged". We ran into Peter R. but at that point I could not understand what the conversation was about. I heard the Results party was an hymn to steroids, EPO and Human Growth hormones, aas well as various body deformities: you don't get to see freaks at the circus anymore so you have to wait for your gym annual party.

In blogoclassic today: it’s amazing how Andrew Cusack’s life is different from mine and yet I think I might have been Cusackistic at one point in my youth (well I was always very illiterate but I was some kind of a snob and had a lot of interest for history). I never expected any of this and that’s why I think life is interesting if you are lucky enough to get surprises such as being a gay man. Are we supposed to feel safe that they allowed Frenchbenj in the cockpit ? Last but not least, I am not the only intellectual complaining that your teeths are a façade ! and Faggoty's farewell to Wellbutrin is just charming.

To blog or not to blog is not the question at this stage.

Bloody tyranny on TV

LL and I watched a film on General Idi Amin Dada, nicknamed the butcher of Africa, yesterday. I think you should have a look to the impressive resume of this guy who is currently hosted by Saudi Arabia. Some people would describe him as eccentric; I think it was a bit more than that actually. He was once quoted saying “Sometimes people mistake the way I talk for what I am thinking": a difficulty he shares with another US leader.

Back in the day you would see the first signs of the Fall by seeing the leaves changing to bright orange colors and cute little birdies getting ready to head to South. I heard about the end of the summer today through a mass e-mail from Banana Republic about their fall collection. How tacky of them !. I felt the same way when I saw plastic Santa Claus flying above Mexican huts two Christmas ago and had to eat stuffed turkey with Tequila shots. It is time for the legislator to state who can use the words "Christmas" and "Fall", when and for which purpose.

Please note the photos of my usual running route by the Potomac (the bull balls are my main milestone): they are intended to motivate me to go for a run tonight. I visited a few DC blogs today and wanted to point out some great findings. Two great French outlooks on US events: A l’Heure Américaine de Pascal Riché. as well as Inside USA (both of them are in French, so you under-educated readers can go back to foxnews.com). The following entry in some kid’s blog led me to have the G. wedding moved from SF to Chicago (I did not see much during my last trip there, besides O. Winfrey's house, as I was busy having Giardia at that time).

To the people that legitimately showed some signs of astonishment that I was at Nation this Saturday at my age, I’d like to say that it is not the first time I try a subtle comeback. Anyway I have names of older people that were there too. Btw, I am also on the Cherry Fund Distribution list (I am in their target population for personal reasons I won't discuss here) that was presenting today gay day at Six Flags, isn’t that the scariest concept ever ? Six Flags is scary enough but gay days at Six Flags…

I was wondering today what happened to very talented Daniel Politi, who among other vices was an AU alumni, a smoker as well as an ex-boyfriend to Andrew N. (who btw is featured inexplicably on John-David’s friendster picture - what's up with product placement on friendster ?). Well from a quick googlisation, it looks like dearest Daniel moved back to Buenos Aires and is writing for Slate. Toni B. is now gone and moved to Paris. Alvaro and Alex A. both implied today that I was ranting like an old lady on my blog on topics that did not interest the general public.

The trip to SF is approaching young fellow,Tristan  and LL will be staying Wednesday, Thursday and Friday in Downtown San Francisco, Saturday and Sunday in Napa and Monday back in San Francisco. San Francisco is actually a cold cold city if I understand well the weather report.

Back to the basics...

In the news today. Note that LL’s prose led to comments from such celebrities as NYC based Chris R. and Dr. Scott E. and Mister Hyde. I am quite jealous ! The Victory Fund asks us if outing is ethical. Which leads me to ask if any of you got to meet Euan Blair who is interning on the Hill this summer with David Dreier ? Euan has a girlfriend I hear. In other news, if you ignore the fact that I relapsed a few times (for 6 months last year I believe), today is the 3^rd anniversary of my quitting smoking. This means that I did not smoke 26621 cigarettes, saved 6 months, 23 days, 8 hours of lifetime (I really wonder what I’ll do with them) and did not spend $4,659.38 (I also wonder what happen to those).  I am still not convinced though and, as LL would say, I was  much sexier when I was a smoker. Alex A. made it back to th US but is in summer camp up north and will not return to DC until the 7^th. Charming Ryan L. is on his way to Puerto Rico and nobody knows who is to console exactly (Ben T. most probably...certainly not Michael B.).

On fortune.com, today a nice article on hypomanics, I know many of them. During the WE, we swing by Thomas Pink, and I had my measures taken. Well the clerck (please refer to my earlier diatribe on clercks and waitresses in the US), ended up telling me that I would need to have my shirt tailored as I am a 15 ½ and a 32 basically calling me a Monster. I do have quite a large neck for my size but yet was completely offended and stormed out. On Desi D., I am quite astonished the guy is still around however I wonder until what age you can be a young democrat. LL got a new phone in his cereal box this morning and he has been running around the city taking pictures of himself in bathrooms mirrors, my question: should not you get a summer job at Pizza Hut like the other teenagers ?

I know I promised not to talk about stocks anymore but Netflix, the stupid investment of the month, was doing so well today. J-1 and Tristan and LL will fly away to a land of devastation and natural disasters for their death- defying vacations.  Finally, we found a picture of Olliver D. with his natural hair color (on the left).

Attack on my blog...

My blog has been broken since Friday night which did not allow me to spread such important news as the fact that Ben T. went on a date that evening (not that this is such a rare event but this time with sleazy Kevin W.) and that LL was finally back home. The truth is that I think someone bribed my blog provider to bring it down but we are fighting back...the truth shall prevail...

A little update from the gay socialites who’s who is of circumstance Stuart S., Ricardo Z. and Etienne T. (who used to be a sneaky voracious bottom full time so far I guess) just announced publicly some improvement in their career path in Washington, DC and NYC. Of course we should add that Ricardo Z. is working for the company that dress gym bunnies all over the world, Stuart S. is juicing the very famous American democracy for himself, and Etienne T. is carrying what seem to be his usual business at 172 Rivington St, App#4 in NYC. Among the horrendous things I saw in the local paper and that I could not share earlier, Arturo R. accepted to pose in the Blade for Dr. Scott E., who supposedly makes him smile, while David B. put his face up on a flyer to sell houses. Gay marketing always drove me crazy....On a ligher note for a Saturday evening, we saw Johnny D. in Charlie in the Chocolate factory. LL thought that Willy Wonka is a weirdo who looks like Anna Wintour. As I am a Hoompah Loompah fan, I had a great time. We just left home and are now off to train some squirrels for our personal use.

I am a sad sad Yoggi !!!

Seen at the gym yesterday Ben T. all dressed in black. I wonder if he is mourning for our lack of contacts these days. Shariar F., a local star, was there too. Results is such an upbeat place that I am seriously considering to join the Fitness Program at my work. Anyway I stopped taking collective showers such a long time ago that the incentive to spend so much time with Universal Gear core clientele disappeared.

Also in the news today, Brad Pitt diagnosed with a mild case of viral meningitis. Spending too much time with asian babies will do that to you…. More interesting is the fact that famous bimbo Collin F. did bitch in a bulletin about the fact that Friendster blog update emails clogg up his inbox! I have 2 questions: who gives a f**ck about Collin F’s inbox ? and second how do I manage to control my anger so well ? I felt relieved to read that he is stuck in Minneapolis for the summer. But like cases of meningitis in the states, he might come back one day…

I dragged Caroline V. to lunch at Kinkead‘ s for her birthday today and they refused to serve me a glass of rosé because I did not have an ID. I did not snap and because of so much self-control they did not charge my diet coke. Did you know that Netflix has 3 million subscribers ? Who as a dealer in the Yucatàn ?

Also to our friend Kevin who complained last night that my fixation on stocks was a problem, I suggest to visit this blog and notice that it could be worse: it could be about the technical issues of an iPod. Who is uneven steven ?

Ah Ah Busted again !!!

Tristan has the same approach in dating and constituting his portfolio (this is going to be BORING). If my memory is good, it includes, AXA, AIG, AKH (Air Spain), NFLX (Netflix - which was described the same week he invested in it as the most stupid investment of the week in a popular online newsletter), Vodafone as well as NVS (Novartis). He thought they were pretty titles: he has a 4 DVDs rotation with Netflix, his bike is insured at AIG (whose Boss, we read was fired earlier in the year for fraud by the way), Vodafone and Novartis have some strange links with Africa (the topic of the year we hear) while AXA reminds him of his youth. Let’s hope that this strategy will bring him as much luck as it did in other domains. But in the meantime, please provide him with as much advice as you can as obviously he needs some urgently. On another note, it seems that we made it back to the States finally (or at least it looks well on its way has we have left Canada behind us and the pilote promised he would land in JFK at the beginning of the flight) and we will see LL in less than 2 hours if we manage to bribe our way back on the American Territory (the cab drive to our hotel will seem very long). We did have a Tunisian experience during the last hours of our trip in the airport where we managed to buy some dates and had a local breakfast in the Tunis Air Lounge. All of that convinced that we probably missed out and we will try to do better next time….perhaps taking LL on a World Tour to awake his cultural taste as he is old enough. Anyway we would like to thank you very much for all of your support while we were away. We probably would not have made it without your kind attention and your encouragements. We will definitely remember it on our next awards night. Btw, I wanted to share the enclosed picture wit you because there is things that are worth knowing: I open the bet when will Kevin D. break up with Drew ?. Much love. FHC.