FHC’s resurrected blog

In which FHC finds a cool alternative to blogging

Kevin W. (god bless his bleeding heart!) has sent me the enclosed letter to the Editor of the Financial Times Download american_dream.pdf - right before calling me a condescending bastard. I believe it is worth reading as an invitation to “think poor” (not to be confused with “act like a cheap bastard”) and “live rich”. I actually did not really get the meaning of the letter altogether but as Kevin W. went to Oxford at one point, [By which I mean when the effects of his alcoholism still remained unnoticeable – this being said getting kicked out of Cobalt for being a sloppy drunk is nothing to be ashamed off as I hear some people get kicked out for getting bjs in the bathroom these days]. I am sure it must be remotely interesting for my – ô so intellectual – readership and could form a nice alternative to a blog entry as I am really not in the mood to tell you anything [nor do I have the time if I had the inclination as I am on an important mission to the gym].

I almost forgot that following Frenchbenj’s advice I forged yet another useful friendship on myspace today with Bryanboy le superstar fabuleux, [my first Filipino friend when you think about it] next step is to convince LL that we should get him to join us for vacations in Brittany: that’s exactly what we need a distinguished girl which we can use as a cover for our buggery. I am sure he would get on well with my mother.

In other news, am I too old to wear flip-flops and what about sandals? Can you believe that a “first jewish quarterback to win the powerball” search leads to FHC’s blog ? Among the movies I watched recently “love in thoughts” would be one of the most charming, almost lighthearted if it did not include a homicide and a suicide.

In which FHC shares a little "back to life" party trick

I am having dinner tonight with Frif T. and Daniel B. at some prominent gay spot and haven’t had the time yet to put on paper some topics of conversation. This little party trick is not only necessary because of my social awkwardness but also because I haven’t seen them for about 1,5 years. As dearest William Hazlitt once put it “Old friendships are like meats served up repeatedly, cold, comfortless, and distasteful. The stomach turns against them” , add to that the fact that it is always so much more difficult to lie to old friends. Re-emerging socially after a long unjustified disappearance always leads to uncomfortable questions such as “what have you been doing?”, “did you break up with LL? God he was such a jerk”, “do you still take Propecia?” and in the worse case scenario [on the tone of confidence] “are you happy?”. As I have not been doing anything at all, am still in a relationship with LL (or at least was last time I checked) and am always very careful in asserting any kind of happiness (stupidity is often mistaken for happiness and people have a tendency to use it as a weapon against you later on), I usually prepare a little card which I then laminate on interesting topics such as Italian architecture, my bible study group, my personal mission statement (which I can share with you - on request only) and Rodolphe’s relationships. I keep it in my pocket and consult it in the bathroom during dinner if I get nervous or if the need to re-direct the conversation becomes pressing. It is the equivalent of a cheat sheet for very moderately autistic people. This usually guarantees a smooth-running, fun and stress-free social interaction.

In other news I managed to catch one 18 years old on myspace.com: “whats up just browsing on myspace spoted you you seem really cool will maybe we can chat some time peace chris”, a pretty good score for a first day. Thank you to Fagat for pointing out that in my condition, I would better stand up as much as I can. Oh and today you could see the back of LL’s apartment on towleroad. Finally L wonders how a search for “glamorous french maid” leads to my blog.

A tiny more on FHC temporary body dysmorphic disorder

My trip to Results yesterday night was as disastrous as one could have expected in view of my poor physical condition. Yet I managed to gather some information from my discussions with prominent DC fags such as the fact that Flavio T. buys his gym outfit in the Abercrombie Kids Girls section and that Nicholas V. and Juan V. (who lost 8 Kg in about three months) both have a personal trainer. Will all the fags with a personal trainer raise their hand? You get my point: it leads to an unhealthy proliferation of personal trainers while we all know they are vapid little creatures.

Back to my personal shape, as Thomas B. kindly pointed out a while ago the standard Frenchman size is now 175,6 cm for 77,4 kg (about 5 feet 7 1/2 inches tall and 170.6 pounds) and I am 5’7 for 148.5 pounds. However, the same Frenchman was nearly 5-feet-6 inches and 158.7 pounds in 1970 which basically means that my morphology is probably stuck somewhere in the 80s. Being very sophisticated, cardio, venereal diseases, years of smoking and weekly light weight training won’t keep me from getting fat.

A change of diet or an increase in my sexual activities might but that’s not for tomorrow. I have managed to trap Kevin D. ♥ in helping me to cook the mandatory curry I have to serve to Alex A. and Sergio and Steve S. tonight at my place (serve in what by the way ?..we don't even have plates for chrissake) and I truly hope that it will be my last contact with a kitchen for the next 12 years.

In which FHC acknowledges that he murdered his dog over the week end

First, I’d like to congratulate the few people who believed that I actually adopted a dog including Kevin M. who kindly sent me a picture of his canine companions with this charming note: “We should arrange a play date so that my large dogs can frighten yours, and help him to develop the neuroses required to be a full member of the FHC family”. Eventually, LL will have to give up being a serial liar and a common wh*re….eventually. It just looks bad and reflect awfully on our entire household.

You will certainly be amused to read that the amount on my credit card is now past $4000 (I suspect that Zipcar charged me the cost of a whole brand new mini), my T-mobile roaming charges skyrocketed once again and my amount of available miles went below 100,000. Damn. I believe it places me below the poverty line in Washington, DC and probably close to death in NYC. If I really had a dog, I would sell it back on e-bay. Truth-be-told, poverty feels really good as it includes an ipod, a computer, many other little things bought on e-bay and shiny little perks such as self-righteousness. I just need a little additional credit spacer to fit-in a blackberry as my boss clearly declined to get me one for my upcoming birthday. I am completely new in this whole poverty thing so please send me tips.

In other news, I told my mother on the phone that I was 69 Kg just to prepare the ground for this Cyprus trip, is Jason S. leaving Washington, DC ? Ok it has been a very long day reading all of last week’s April Fool’s day jokes at the office so I am out. *smooch*

FHC is a f***ing slacker

A few minutes earlier I was feeling a bit ashamed that at 6:30 pm, I still hadn’t blogged (not that you care much as most of my visitors are only interested in getting juicy gossips on  Lapo Elkann’s rehab, Kate Rotschild’s and Nick Leeson… I won’t say a word). As you may have noticed in my last entry I was in a pretty awful mood yesterday for various reasons including some women elements and it took me a gorgeous day, many pills, a few TM to LL on Israël, listening to gay songs (particularly “Talk” by Coldplay), a cool story on credit cards and a trip to Giant’s to recover. That’s what I love about Giant, it just remind me it could be really worse and that I am just your average spoilt brat. Anyway we are having a steak barbecue at 1624 tonight and I really need to take a shower so it will just be another lame blog day. Kisses

FHC’s arrested development

I am completely unused to all forms of social interactions by now. I started my angst driven planning for tonight very early in the morning by thinking about it while shaving. I have spent a good third of my day trying to figure out how I could get to Montmartre tonight. At one point, I tried to remember when was the last time I went to Capitol Hill. I could not remember: I truly live within a mile radius of my home. I even thought for a short period of time about renting a zipcar until someone close to me kindly pointed out that driving drunk and jetlagged at night might be a little above my current abilities at this point. Finally I just made some calculations and evaluated the cab cost for 3 persons to $11.50. This is surely a happy ending but I still have to figure out what I’ll wear as well as to write down a few topics of conversation on a cheat sheet (avian flu, uterus cancer, chikungunya…and the estimate that 30-50 million Americans have genital herpes). Staying in front of my netflix is definitely an easier activity: I have both discs of the season 2 of Arrested Development waiting at home.

Another important share of my day was spent trying to figure out what the news “Greyhound owners let pets rip up rabbits for fun” meant until I understood that it had actually nothing to do with the family that owns the Greyhound bus lines. I was imagining people in a lavishing mansion laughing at their dogs ripping up rabbits in the park.

We also feel it is our duty to link to Toby’s very appropriate coverage of last week’s coverboy, Frenchbenj long overdue cruisade on Ethan and Kevin D. for his friendster profile. I am so proud of you kids, Frenchbenj’s inner bitch is definitely surfacing and Toby…well Toby is the cutest little bunny on earth. I am glad that while I'm slowly turning into the nice heterosexual boy that my mum wanted me to be, Damien can still read some fierce and toxic opinions in the blogosphere. Keep up the good work.

On blogosphere catfights and other mean little things

§      Today there won’t be much blogging around as FHC was busy …mostly concentrating on writing a paper on some of Faulkner's texts... or maybe on understanding the roots of the conflict which opposes Queerty to Perez this week (I am some kind of a blogosphere peace Nobel Prize). The e-mail exchange which led to the bitter dispute is indeed a bit bitchy and completely justifies the catfight. If these are the people Fagat spends his New York minutes with, no wonder he manages to stay slim. Btw, Fagat don’t bring LL close to any runway this week, the kid is trying to get a real job.

§      When I read in the news about “Cartoon protesters”, I cannot help but think of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It really does not sound serious. Actually, the Malcontent has known terrible technical glitches since he published one of the satanic Cartoon on his blog….I am personally very worried that he became a victim of the revenge of ….. (I don’t write his name to be safe).

§      I argued for twenty minutes with a colleague of mine about the fact that Waiters and Bartenders in big American cities are making what we call in my village a lot of money (I am pretty much sure we raised the issue of tips in a previous post so let’s not go there). Please do not hesitate to send me anecdotic information on this, I am thinking to report on the hidden wealth of the petit personnel. Let’s break the poor waiter myth once and for all.

§      Is it me or hardly trashy self-googling Jim S. is back in town? Alex W. was in DC this week end too I heard and dilettante wh*rish Ben T (who abandoned, besides Kevin W., his Italian year abroad under a shroud of secrecy) is everywhere: just when you think you got rid of them, they come back for more! This is endless! Sometimes I wish I could fumigate Cobalt on a Tuesday night!

§      Reading GQ or Men’s Health really stresses me out, a bit like when I see this “Fight Aging Now!” advertising on Towleroad. What about aging graciously and surrendering the things of the youth with a smile?

§      Quickly in other news, don’t forget to join the new DC Jew Crew e-mailing list on Friendster (First name: DC JewCrew - Last Name: DC) to keep abreast on the latest conspiracy. Tonight is another $210 million Powerball opportunity. And finally I plan to Test drive the new Gillette Fusion for you.

Ok see you at the gym, I am going to check if there is any truth in the report that Greg H. has an affair wirth Rick H.’s ex-boyfriend, the infamous Carlos. Also, if I work out a little more, I could end up looking like Ryan K.

This is for you donkey lovers out there !

I've been trying to respond to some of my readers increasing concerns regarding the donkey photoshoot which took place last week. This is a communiqué from Eeyore and all his little friends from the Hundred Acre Woods: “FHC monitored all animal participants’ mood, well being and sexual needs during the shoot. Additionally no animal was hurt or abused during the making of this show and it was also not our intent to insult any ass out there”. I hope everybody feels better and that you will put away these unnecessary Animal Protection League and Humane Society reports: we can solve this together as a family. Animal lovers are sooo petit-bourgeois.

This is certainly not going to help Stefano B.’s legitimate claim (reinforced by some of Alex A. previous comments) that my blog lacks depth. Therefore, I’d like to introduce a month long serious debate on FHC’s resurrected blog: the polar ice caps: "in favor" or "against"? Please send your answers to these questions to Tristan, Pedro and Maria. Deadline is February 24^th, 2005. You could win a miniature dinosaur.

In blogosphere related news, my dear friend MFCBP has a new glamorous blog called “sleepless in Lisbon” (the title sounds osé to me) and written in English! Finally we will finally be able to know what MFCBP meant in Fredintheusa. I am also glad to say that Adrien is still alive as he is my back up plan in case of a left victory, a global tsunami or if LL dumps me.

Talking about infidelity, I might go to Cobalt to see Alexis C. tonight after having diner at Alex A.’s house. Alexis, who is visiting from Canada this week, used to oversee a little smuggling business with the French Embassy duty free goods shop which fueled Kevin D.’s alcoholism with cheap liquor for years until Alexis left us. This deserves a little exception to my rule of being in bed by 10:30 on weekdays, so I can get up at 8 with non-puffy eyes.

Secret, lies and the Pink Panther

Exes. Finally, an ex of mine decided to check out my friendster profile. It has been too long everybody that got involved with me is indifferent to my destiny. Why would I be the only stalker ? Fashion. I really wonder if anybody among my restricted readership wore a sparkling cape for the holidays or a sexy lace-up tank top. Did the word "Charming" almost escaped my lips again? Apologies. Movies. I forgot to update my Netflix queue and they shipped The Pink Panther Strikes Again and Trail of the Pink Panther. I am really not in the mood for that. I have already been struggling with “Dogville” for the last two days. I wish some soft porn was coming my way instead. How does Netlfix not have “La Haine” of Kassovitz ? It would have be so timely. Moving. In other amazing statistics, EVERY day 275 older people choose to move into a care home. Health. I am f***ing exhausted. I might be a bit jetlag (which is wonderful when you know that I’ll return on Sunday to a similar time zone undisclosed destination). But mostly the problem is that when we are together LL and I nap once or twice a day. No wonder I am completely incapable to work after 10 days with him. Sometimes I wish law school would last a decade. Books. Howe come every book I read this year is a complete lie ? “The heart is deceitful above all things”, “a million little pieces”: drug addicts and raped kids are not to be trusted these days which makes me think I have to call Kevin W. to wish him a happy new year. You people are lucky that at FHC’s there is no room for exaggeration and inaccuracies. Phone. My phone was at home today. That is painful ... Damien. Ausley is the latest blogosphere victim. Feel free to blackmail me friends !
	Laughing Cow thinks it's hilarious that Kevin found Moby still charging by my bed.
	Moby connects mr. Mask to his estranged family in the DRC. Apparently he has received startling news. How much does it cost to call the DRC these days?

A very à-propos Strike

I thought it would be very à-propos to blog-strike today. LL and I closed the year on our way to RAIDD last night and are now getting ready to travel through the dangerous French province tomorrow hoping to make it to Caen. If you never hear from us again, it was awesome knowing you.