FHC’s resurrected blog

In which FHC thinks of doing some pro-israel blogging

I went on a little blog visit binge today. I just wanted to check once again that there are other human beings out there who still consider that despite the psychological and physical risks linked to obscure-blogging, it is really worth having a little shrine to your mediocre life, overrated thoughts and decaying body. Blogging is to writing what cooking for your mentally impaired, genetically challenged, emotionally unavailable, ignorant and consumerist family as a depressed single mother is to owning a high-end restaurant. Both take a long time, the result is unsavory and your audience only acknowledges your efforts to tell you how awful the outcome tastes. Even worse you always end up washing the dirty dishes by yourself, your ex-husbands does not give a damn about his restraining order and god forbids someone discovers you have been stuffing the food with arsenic because you will end up in jail. Behind every blogger there is an unloving and hungry child who is afraid, feels guilty and has a troubled and contemptuous relationship with his readership. The blogosphere is such as cold cold place. On a related topic Vividblurry asked a very relevant question: “If your friends, your boyfriend and your employer all read your blog, what would you write about?” and someone launched a seminar on “How to use weblogs as an effective local leadership tool? A guide to propaganda and mass manipulation” . But despite all of the above, one could easily argue that I cannot just spend the rest of my life buying stuff on e-bay….or can I? that's a tweed jacket I am wearing on this picture in the middle of summer.

Anyway, I ran into this blog by some straight tactless medical student, this one by an internet rat gay banker, Kia’s thoughts on how to avoid the danger of small talk, finally and now just to underline my point that foolish bloggers and readers are created for each other: bratboy turns 26…I am not the only one who cares about sport.

I read recently that Churchill once said “My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.” I think Condi is going to go pretty soon.

In which FHC ends up censoring his own thoughts

One of the many responsibilities of the modern man is to manage his google reflection. For today’s professionals, self-googling is a weekly step to avoid potential cybertrashing of his name and manage his“personal internet brand”. You really don’t want other people to google your name and obtain raunchy results on your postings to licentious listservs, your bids on vintage Falcon videos or the mentioning in your own friendster profile of Entourage. 

I was planning to go for a jog today (95 degree F. at 3:42 p.m.) as I felt a little guilty over the bread pudding LL stuffed me with all week end (I love this little reward/punish cycle) but I was told that this was, I quote, a “crazy idea”. I disagree: I think it is time we courageously get used to global warming unlike the insensitive person in the corridor who just said “it feels like Bangladesh”. I personally shredded all unnecessary body hair a while ago. Although maybe the comment was not so much about the heat wave, than the fact that insecurity in the district is so high. L even forced me to walk in my tuxedo in the middle of the road on our way back from Jim M. on Saturday night claiming that it was the best way to avoid murder (overlooking the fact that it also is the best way to encounter accidental dismemberment).

In other news, LL and I finished “Lost” season II and therefore have started watching “Pearl Harbor”: were amazed on how long it lasted: Japanese and their obsession with quality.

In which FHC evokes the DC gay apparatchiks

About ten years older than the MNDC’s members, the DC gay apparatchiks (DCGA) owe their comfortable lives to a much more strict management of their libido, an amazing drive for success as well as their capacity to collaborate with the straight world in an opportunistic manner. They are the first generation of confident and optimistic openly gay successful men in the US who have managed to subtly exploit the gay networks and manipulate the favorable straight elite burgeoning feeling of guilt over the historical oppression of the gay population to climb the social ladder, expand their economic ties with the straight world while creating an apologetic way of life that is not offensive to the American families. Strictly monogamous since their college years when they settled for another bright and ambitious chap their age, they never talk about the way they manage their “open relationships” and mimic as much as possible the straight couple way of life. Later in life, they did not adopt a kid to preserve the sensitivity of their straight friends and colleagues, keep their gay poster boys status and avoid falling in the trap of the gay cliché. This tactic often paid off immensely and fulfilled their strong appetite for luxury, power and above-all social recognition. They take pride in not having been in a gay bar since September 11^th, 2001, purchased a town house anywhere in DC but Dupont Circle and avoid like the plague all gay gatherings. They only attend discreet black tie events for gay foundations to which they contribute heavily in order to control the community political activity, manage the so-called “gay revolution” as well as appease their conscience. Physicians, lobbyists, lawyers, business owners, high level republicans, they are strictly invisible to the rest of the gay population (even if their business often caters to the vulgarus homosexualus) and somewhat look down on the community hedonistic and promiscuous approach to life as well as its complete lack of ambition. They particularly despise porn, the gay pride, sleeveless T-shirts, friendster, metroweekly, T-shirts, drag queens, rim jobs, strip clubs, single gays, Nation, sneakers outside of the gym, loud voices, biceps, techno and the drugs. Often coming from a very middle class background, they became extremely snobbish on their way up and refined their amazing taste to perfection: only travel business class, have front row tickets at the Kennedy Center (they have a passion for everything classical and dismiss anything modern – in modern societies a seat at the Opera is synonym of society’s acceptance), are always aware of the current exhibitions in Europe, know at least two tailors in Milano and the manager of the Beverly Hills J.M. Weston shop, spend amazing amounts of money on meals (and are  indirectly at the origin of the high restaurant turnover in DC), sneer at all type of “gay novels” and have taken classes to learn how to make impressice comments on wines. They always make sure that their dinner party’s guests include at least 50% of straight acquaintances and that the conversation never ever touches to the taboo topic of sexuality as for them socializing is always about business. However their heart resides with the legendary gay mafia and they organize more intimate dinners with other gay apparatchiks couples. Extremely slim and healthy, they avoid the gay fatteness by never drinking cocktails and stating very clearly to their Sports Club L.A. personal trainers that they want to keep their muscle mass to its minimum (we all know that deep down gay muscles are intended to scare straight people while the DCGA want to re-assure them). They dress extremely conservatively and avoid wearing jeans more than once a week. Financially successful and extremely well connected, they live the highlife and have numerous apartments and dachas in France, Italy, West Virginia and exotic destinations in South America. Short of a dynasty, the DC gay apparatchiks seek financial success often not to ensure the future of their tribe or their own comfort but to take a complex personal revenge on society and escape their teenage year’s residual self-hatred. Yet they indirectly contribute to mainstreaming homosexuality in the American society.

In which FHC wonders what happens after 30

I really enjoyed Septime W.’s ballet yesterday and the dancers did not even threaten to strike. I noticed Mrs. Rodolphe B. in the crowd which must mean that it was a good show. It was actually a cheerful choreography which, as its name hinted, was navigating between ballet and modern dance with more than a little gay twist. It would have been perfect if it wasn’t for the harpsichord, an insufferable instrument which I believe has no reason to still exist now that they have created the Piano. I found the Beatles part to be fascinating even if the very dramatic movement on “A day in life” made Alex A. sneer a little. More importantly, there was among the dancers a really handsome fellow, Jonathan Jordan, (which every move was copiously applauded by the audience which goes again to underline my grandfather famous quote that “in life looks are the only thing that counts”) that my companions pretend to have met backstage while I had already left.

My next stop was “le Pigalle” on 17^th street which I regretted to have badmouthed in a past entry as I ended up raiding their opening party buffet as this trip to the Kennedy Center had strangely left me drunk and hungry. The owners of Bistrot du Coin must have some stake in the deal as the entire crowd seemed to have moved from connecticut avenue to 17th street. As some sad queen standing by the buffet told me while piling his plate for the twentieth time with slices of meat "17^th street is not gay anymore”. After 30 years old, for gay people who do not frequent the gym, there is nothing left but free food I believe. We spend 30 years coming to term with our sexuality one neurosis at a time and very slowly entering adulthood and the rest of our existence is spent, childless, by a treadmill or an all you can-eat-buffet wondering what we will do with the remaining hours. I left drunk by 11:30 p.m. and had another restless night on Excedrin PM.

In other news, apparently there is one witty gaysian in Washington, DC, LL celebrated his finals by nibbling on cheese fries all night long (disclaimer: I did not give the eating disorder, he came with it and if Fagat calls me fat once again, I snap).

In which FHC gets almost stabbed by a lesbian but survives and grows even stronger

After the Salvadorian dinner which included the sharing of many gossips about MegaDCfag (also Alex A. and Isaias acted as if they were leaving separately and we acted as if we believed them – the great gay conspiracy), I went with my friend Karine to Club Chaos for Liquid Ladies or whatever that party is called. It was pretty courageous of me as it is pretty well known that some lesbian got stabbed there not so long ago. That’s what these hardasses do on Wednesday night: stab each other. Mean little b*tches. I am always amazed to see how lesbians are so different from the ones portrayed on the “L Word” one of the only american series I have enjoyed and thoroughly followed. I feel very connected to gorgeous promiscuous women who live in Laurel Canyon I guess. I tried very hard to understand what causes popularity in the lesbian word while at Chaos – I have an inner sociologist in me: what do they do? How do they feed themselves - and couldn’t get a clue (looking like Eminem maybe ? that turns me on). It became clear very quickly that this outing wasn’t going to lead to anything (lesbians are really cliquey) and I was in bed quite early after a few awkward moments with a drag king dressed as a Teletubby and without even a slightly punctured lung ....

Someone wrote to me following my entry yesterday implying that I should explore nice alternatives to friendster like Introvertster (“the new way to get rid of people”), Scenester, Enemyster and Hatester. That will be my homework for the week end.

In other news, socialist Frenchbenj who was flirting earlier this week with LL and also updated his friendster profile (wh*re) is dragging Villepin’s name in the mud (Nicolas V. promised me a picture of Arthur, is it coming ?). Vividblurry won’t be at the Kentucky Derby afterall (too trashy?). And…Fagat and LL are ending their friendship to the benefit of Fishwatch whose coffee story is just amazing. Law school is where young nerds go to die.

In which FHC asks who’s viewed him ?

The real question of the day is: on friendster does it work if you turn on the “View Profiles Anonymously” for a specific operation and turn it back on right after? As I read somewhere recently, in snooping operations this feature is pretty similar to wearing bells around your neck. On the other hand, it’s might be important to be able to keep track of the hidden message people intentionally send you when visiting your profile as well as be able to send such signals: “I visit your profile because I think you’re hot”, “I visit your profile because I really enjoyed your conversation/handjob on Thursday night”, “I am ready to see you again even if I remember our bitter divorce”, “you are still a big loser” or “I visit your profile because I want you to know that I know what you did last summer”. To view anonymously or not that is the question. Actually that was the question because either everybody has opted out or nobody ever visits my profile anymore. Of course this does not count for cowards and other wicked people like LL who don’t even have their own profile and use other people’s profile to do their dirty online business. ok forget it. There is no need to insolent. Who volunteers to update my Myspace profile?

I spent $18.85 on itunes on Sunday morning including $10.89 just for “It’s hard for a Pimp…” and $0.99 for my all time favorite “Boy (Peter Rauhofer Remix)”.

Ok I am late for dinner at Bar Pilar even if deep inside I wished it would take place at Dakota Cowgirl but my diner pal argued that “X used to work there and he said he would never in good conscience eat there after what he saw in the kitchen”. Let me have a good look at Bar Pilar’s kitchen !

In which FHC gets a step closer to skin cancer

OK I admit that I am really late blogging once again. First, now that everybody is starting to wonder if immigrants really hurt American workers' wages, I have decided to keep a low profile. Secondly, I ended up being quite busy for a Friday.

• In the 1 p.m. plane to NYC once again John Kerry was there with a tall blond sidekick. Doesn’t it sound strange to anybody that I ran three times in that kid in the last 12 months? …what a stalker.
• Also I have to come clean about the fact that I went cancer tanning (in LL’s word) this morning because arriving in Cyprus extremely pale while all my family members (like most Frenchmen) are constantly in vacation in sunny places would have screamed poverty and personal failure. So instead I just put my health at risk and went to get a healthy glow. Of course I will look a bit ridiculous at work on Monday but that’s my destiny.
• Finally, LL bought the techno version of the Brokeback mountain song in the itunes music store which is the gayest thing I have heard in a very long time.

We are off to go watch inside man in Times Square. I do hate Times Square for so many reasons such as the fact that it is full of people, that I am always scared to be embezzled by some tourist and the movie theaters are full of punks but it was our only option at 8 p.m.

In which FHC's mother suggests having Olliver D. put to sleep... seriously

The day started with a weird e-mail titled “les chats” from my very harsh mother at 8 a.m. telling me basically to have Olliver D. put to sleep first thing today without my roommate’s knowledge. Apparently she read in the Figaro (who reads le Figaro ?) that cats play an important role in the transmission of the H5N1 virus to humans and through some weird processing of information in her confused brain she decided to suggest euthanasia. I begged to mildly differ to that interesting and creative proposal on the grounds that it assumes that Olliver has a social life outside of our home in which he could run into the virus while he clearly does not. Moreover, I think this could have a negative effect on my cohabitation with Kevin D. who happened to have cooked the perfect curry for my guests last night for which I got all the credit (naïve Alex A even wrote: “Great reception.  Afterall you did have all the necessary to elegantly cater for you guests. And, you do have good foot in the kitchen…”…they are all so easy to dupe….*maniac laugh*…picture on your left – am I the only one to note that I have Hitler’s hairline these days ?) and is also a bit shaken now that he heard that his “friend” checked out Fagat’s profile on friendster (after which Fagat called him a “handsome lad”). I don’t know how they do it in France but I even think having other people’s pets killed is a crime here moreover when your only justification is that he could be a vector for a disease which does not really exist. Thirdly, if I had to put an end to his miserable overweight existence spent eating and purging my earplugs in that squalid dilapidated bathroom of ours, it would definitely not be because of H5N1 and definitely not before we make sure to get our pet deposit refunded. I would also organize his natural death and certainly not pay a veterinarian for that (a waste of my money when I can easily strangle him with my bare hands). Perhaps we could get a cute new kitten….a slim one.

Iloveshitzus209

The Shi-Tzus are fine. Thank you for asking. The night was mostly calm. Kevin D. who is intrinsically rude and extremely bored on Tour woke us up at 12:21 a.m. with the following TM :”No matter what they tell you, the gay scene in Wichita Falls, TC, is not illustrious.”…and the Shi-Tzus might have barged in the bedroom around 4 a.m. but besides that the “Operation Adopt A Shi-Tzu Refugee” was a plain success. We finally decided to name them Loulboom and Loul Jr.

I am delighted to confirm that I bought a ThinkPad T43 last night for a really embarrassing amount. I am now doing some preliminary consultations over the next project: buying an i-pod this should be completed by the end of the Week-end (this little spending deadline game is so amusing)

Sadly everybody that visited FHC in the last few days was looking to “trap a leprecon”. I really wish good luck to all the leprecon friends out there.

We wish you a happy Friday (mine is just painful), see you at Jim M.’s 50^th birthday bash.

FHC will love animals and they might love him back

I spent a lot of time at the Corcoran’s retirement house during my three days week-end doing little homy tasks such as preparing a corner in my closet for LL to park his cheap 1L suit this summer as it is now official that he will be living with us starting in May. I also watched “bewitched” and the only time I laughed is when I remembered Kevin D. asking me once if I had seen “Will Ferrell’s dirty sex tape” (sic).

Anyway there was some logic behind my cocooning WE as I am not going to be home much in the coming days. You see FHC will be very busy scooping pets’ poop: I have been asked by a friend of mine who happens to be a part time pet owner to housesit two miniature dogs starting Thursday in Adam’s Morgan. Strangely enough, Kevin D. [who has been diligently letting my plant die of thirst for years when I am on business trips] waited for my positive answer to remind me that I had also promised to him that I would housesit Olliver-D-Le-Chat while he is on tour (don’t be excited, “being on tour” for Kevin D. mostly means getting some weird stomach bugs in motels in rural America). Finally, LL is also coming to spend his spring break in DC on Tuesday. Therefore, I’ll find myself having to take care of two dogs, a cat and a Jew at the same time in two different locations. This is such a liability but definitely a rewarding one: changing cat litter, taking regular long walks at night, discussing law cases. I never had any pet as a child, not even the slightest handicapped guinea pig or fish and I really wonder why everybody always picks me….

…. Incidentally I also read a third of Your Perfect Right “Assertiveness and Equality in your life and relationship” this week-end…

FHC takes risks

Still on my Wallet-thinning habits (endless topic isn’t it ?), I received yesterday an advance copy of the “2005 Annual Summary of Charges” from my Bank. This little booklet is called to become a Best-Seller on the black market as it includes amazing figures on my spending patterns such as the detail of my $4,848.72 restaurant charges. I am going to analyze it in the days to come and will keep you updated.

Two random thoughts of the day: i) if you’d all articulate like journalists on NPR you’d be much easier to understand; ii) following Vanity Fair’s article of this month on Lapo Elkann should I ask LL to get me a FIAT hoodie for my Valentine’s gift ? (hint: YES) or will people assume I am an addict ? Talking about sex with transexuals and NPR, I accepted to go see Transamerica at the E Street theater this evening with Ari S. and David G. (my definition or a risky evening: going to see a movie on transsexuals in the ghetto with gender confused friends).

I decided to add the prettyboysclub to my daily blog visit, not sure it is very good for my reputation but it will certainly make my life easier as I visit it quite often on my spare time and even use it as a hub towards other blogs I have some personal and confidential interest in [appalled readership’s jaw drops in silent shock]. Ok I feel slightly ashamed. While I was at it, I also replaced DClush with Why I hate DC as Rusty is moving there.

The Honourable Kevin P Watson cancelled lunch on me today (I quote: “hurry up and confirm before the whole week fills up.........I'm in high demand!” (sic)) probably because William van Cutsem and Alexander Spencer are visiting DC this week or something. Old Etonians/Oxfordians friendships… even more cliquish than the Skull & Bones Yale ones. This kind of rich kids club behavior just paves the way for unnecessary class conflicts. There is a pattern going on here.

Is FHC a sciolist, a bottom feeder or both ?

While in New York we suffered from a terrible cold wave totally unexpected. LL and I being very fragile and delicate creatures, whose gender is now and then not clear, we stayed home and agonizingly watched a third of the Dolce Vita as well a fourth of Barry Lyndon. I got tired twice of pretending to enjoy these monuments of Cinema culture. It actually constituted my latest desperate attempt to make of us an intellectual/philosopher/poet New Yorkee couple. As soon as I step in that city I identify with Woody Allen and regret my own intellectual laziness and my lack of taste for anything which requires a little capacity to reflect or contemplate. After all, the latest book I attempted to read, “A million little pieces”, I cowardly abandoned after hardly 30 pages under the fallacious excuse that the book was untrue. And today, while we were brunching with Fagat and KMZ, I caught myself quoting about four times the latest issue of Vanity Fair. My ancestors included a handful of writers, semi-public figures and collaborationists and I was always under the (false) impression that all gays were expected to be intellectuals (Oscar Wilde, Mathew Rush, Jean Cocteau, Truman Capote, Da Vinci Code and Sean Hayes to only name a few). It is painful for me to admit that I cannot stand to my sexual and familial heritage: not only do I date half a jew but I consider that Brokeback Mountain is an intellectual movie, found Syriana to be “awfully complex”, and the only reason my blog is semi-correctly spelt is because of Word automatic spellcheck. My only satisfaction is that, when I wear glasses, I can give the appearance of intellectualism for a mere 10 minutes and that my lack of knowledge is often hidden by my foreign status. I am not chic but I am a snob, I am not an intellectual but I am a poser. Get your hands off me !

I am now on my way to JFK airport to board a plane which will eventually take me to an unnamed place where a famous automobile race is expected to end tomorrow. I will do my best to keep you updated on my interesting endeavors and sexual experiences with locals as much as this country infrastructure allows me to (which might very well be not at all). This does not mean in anyway that I have stopped to love you and hope you will find the strength to wait for my return. For the FHC himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of ...

Bericht zum Terror in den Slums von Washington, DC

I went to see King Kong on Tuesday night and loved it. I want to see it in the Gallery Place movie theater just so that the movie suspense would be heightened by the fear of getting kidnapped by one of the ruling gang of the surrounding crime-ridden ghetto. I mean to all the people that suggested I ever move there, I’d like to answer that this area of DC is indeed the darkest, dirtiest and most dangerous place on the face of this earth. I am astonished the whole thing is not uprising! If I was gay and leaving in that hopeless squalid slum, I would burn cars. Even our French North African Muslims troubled neighborhoods are more charming than this. Please keep your shameless real estate bullshit Chinatown-Gallery-Place-is-up-and-coming neighborhood propaganda. I was the only up-and-coming thing there on Tuesday night along with joblessness, ugly jeans and illiteracy, believe me! I want for proof the fact that I went with Ari S., and as he rightly pointed out, not one person recognized him the all time. Do they even have a radio? I wonder. Not one autograph hunter. Not one second glance besides the usual look-at-the-drag-queen one. Ari ended up screaming at Fuddrucker’s (very nice concept: you stand in line to place your order, pay, make and grill your own burger, clean the place…just like at home….soon they’ll ask you to pay rent too) “do you even know who I am ?”.

Anyway, back to the topic, Pete R. had written to me “unlike Brokeback Mountain you very well may be disappointed, as unlike the former, King Kong is big on style and small on substance“. WTF ?. I’d like to make a few statements here:

a-      Who ever said I was into substance?

b-      Is he implying that because King Kong is not gay, I am not sensitive to his emotional torments? How shallow do you think I am? if I cannot empathize with you next door straight Monkey. Pete, I am NOT emotionally crippled. Thank you.

c-      This statement reminds me of people who date gay guys and then complain that their relationship lacks depth …. Please! We may be gorgeous but we are vapid little creatures ! The Oscar Wilde time are gone.

I had a charming lunch with Alex A. at Zaytinya (what ? this is in Gallery place Chinatown ? I can’t believe you ! It looks better during business hours…like Harlem back in the days…that’s all) today who pointed out that the quality of my blog was dangerously sinking: please find enclosed a link to William Blake’s poem Tyger Tyger.

In other news, my acupuncturist left for vacations without even a preemptive call. An upcoming business trip I was looking forward to was cancelled. My fridge is empty. Stop looking for Renate Blauel on my blog ! Kevin D. got wasted and called me to tell me he was trying to get laid with some Texan KKK member ! Way to go Kevin ! Finally, I’d like to come clean and say that I flirted with Adrien on Friendster.

Spreading dirty rumors about FHC’s sexual behavior at the blowing alley

        JIM M: FHC, my friend, I love your blog

FHC: No Jim…my blog loves YOU more ! How have you been my young fellow?

         JIM M: I am well, thank you ! you?  how are you? staying around for the holidays?

FHC: Which holidays ? we leave on the 28th for PARIS ! FRANCE !!!

        JIM M: "we" ? who is we? 

FHC: My new trick... no my old trick … that guy you met this summer in California…you know, the almost jewish lawyerish kid….LL and I

FHC: les FHCzios

       JIM M: Fabulous.  i would love to see you before you head off.  and the Gs too.  i miss all of you. 

FHC: Or should I say les LLs as you are claiming around town that I am a BOTTOM...Kevin W told me !

       JIM M: Have you ever bowled?  my friend Greg is having a bowling bday party on Tuesday ? that could be really fun

FHC: FUN ??? I am not into Bowling... Do I look the kind of guy who frequents bowling alleys ? I am a real man Jim ! the kind who takes care of quadriplegics for god’s sake ! I don’t just knock pins down on my Week-end !

       JIM M: well, maybe then you will suggest a place.. ok, when did i tell Kevin W that you were a bottom?

FHC: I don't know but that hurt my business and my potential clients. Running an SME is tough enough these days without having to worry about detractors.

        JIM M: how would i even know that? Although I easily believe this is common knowledge in the area ! ;)

FHC: Don't wink at me..... that’s call defamation Jim ! anyway I am so fat I feel like a beached whale !

       JIM M: I haven't seen you in a while, so please don't tarnish what i remember fondly.

FHC: Listen I am a bottom-line kind of guy and ….

     JIM M: as far as Kevin W. goes, as you have pointed out countless times he is a drunk! so his statement cannot be trusted ! 

FHC: By the way I also noticed a few times lately that he has scratches on his arms that are clearly caused by self-mutilation…possibly with scissors…or needles… I don’t know what kids do.

       JIM M: I think he also suffers from an eating disorder….

FHC: Back in Nebraska, I believe he was trialed for witchcraft…you’re so right Jim…he might not be the most reliable source…. I am sorry I came on to you… I’m a [big fat stupid] jerk !

       JIM M: yes you are…that’s ok. I am sure you can discuss this more with your therapist in your next session…..Listen bottom boy… i'm off to lunch.  talk to you soon, i hope.

FHC: I feel blessed to have you as a friend !

Glue sniffing FHCs and shallow LLs

LL finished incredibly successfully his first exam today. It means that we are getting closer to the date he will remember having a boyfriend in DC. I haven’t seen him for almost 3 weeks now. Last year at that time I was single, on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, had Giardia and yet I was getting much more marital sex than today. If it wasn’t for anonymous sex, I would be so horny I could have an orgasm every time I sneeze. Just on Saturday night, this gorgeous guy was asking me “But FHC, how do you cope with geographical distance?” and I replied “with people like you”. It hasn't been easy. All these tough bleak times I have to go through and still I know that I’ll get dumped as soon as he gets his diploma. Let’s face it ! in three years from now  the kid will be a wealthy lawyer in New York doing coke off the backs of Abercrombie & Fitch models in underground hip-hop clubs like everyone else. And me I will be left alone in DC sniffing glue with Olliver le Chat hoping for some rebound sex. Already he calls me sometimes at 3 a.m. and I can hear another guy in the background (often Fagat actually…fellow law school students are too ugly I guess) and LL tells me he is studying with his partner at the Library. With LL the root of infidelity lies with getting up in the morning. It’s not about keeping the spark alive, it’s about getting him to remember my first name. The only gift I expect from him this Christmas is mono. Please don't tell him I told you that because that would be embarrassing for everybody involved. I was even told that he claims I am dead to people who remind him he has a boyfriend back home. A typical phone conversation is FHC: did you get my message? LL: Have you been drinking, honey ? FHC: Are you cheating on me? LL: Define cheating. You take life way too seriously, you'll never get out alive. I hate the fact that there is no contractual guarantee or legal implication in medium term long-distance relationship. Just yesterday night, I was watching Wilde (I have been watching a lot of movies…. like it’s possible to watch too many movies), and what do you know? after Wilde’s release from jail, Bosie (who kindly states in the movie: There are two boys waiting out there, and if you're not coming I'll fuck them both myself!) and Wilde got back together for only three months and the boy-toy dumped him ! I've dumped many boyfriends, oh god have I dumped them ! I am so good at it that I even dumped the last one three times and twice in a row it was with a two line text message. But this time it’s different, I know I’ll get screwed.

I will never write any entries about Kevin W. again: the comments two days ago got completely out of hand.  I was about to come in and settle the matter before a new ethnic or deadly religious conflict start on my blog. What’s wrong with you ?

FHC’s Brazilian bullying diary

During my drunken trip to JRs on Friday I reportedly ran into Diego S. If you remember well he is this young Brazilian free speech advocate, who got really upset when I wrote an entry in September about the fact that he wore a yellow wristband as well as some tactless comments on his admirable progress on the social ladder and the results of a benign surgical procedure he might have endured. He retaliated in a very proportionate manner by hiring an angry brazilian mob, publishing an open letter to FHC (reproduced in the comments section of that entry) and flagging my then friendster-based blog to the Friendster Gestapo which threatened to close it. Eventually I moved my blog to where it currently freely resides and was placed in temporary witness protection program. Anyway I vaguely remembered running into him that night and assumed I was terrific and my usual charming-self. Apparently I was way off on my estimate as I received the following message on Friendster yesterday.

Date: Saturday, December 10, 2005 3:45:00 PM

Subject: dude...

Message: I think you went a little overboard last night (as if what you wrote before wasnt, but I just imagined that deal was over). I had some steem for you as a person and you went and disrespected me again and it was not cool.

I did not know if I should read “steam” or “esteem”. Anyway that guy is clearly a serial bully and I was in a panic over potential retaliation (look what he does to that crab on his friendster picture and the crazy look in his eyes). In a state of terror, I replied

            Subject: RE: dude….

Message: Thank you for your message. We are sorry we hurt your feelings. Please give us more details about the unfortunate events you are referring to. We have very little memories about last night. This will help us assess the extent of our offense and return to the bosom of Our Lord. Kind regards.

Diego S. replied a few hours later:

            Date: Saturday, December 10, 2005 6:15:00 PM

Subject: Re: dude...

Message: Ooh I could tell you were intoxicated trust me.you pretty much grabbed my crotch several times, tried to introduce me to everyone else around you and what not. Probably for the first time I wasnt the one who seemed to have just walked out of a lobotomy. I think you are a nice person and I really do not hold any grudges regarding that past incident on your blog... but you got some issues my friend.

Grabbing his crotch ? introducing him to people ? What was I thinking? I clearly made a fool of myself in public (again) which is consistent with the reports of Frederico C. and Kevin W. But at least he calls me “my friend” and takes interest in my “issues”. I ended the controversy by coming clean to him.

Subject: RE: dude….

Message: The only reason I am so mean is that I fear that my love for you may be unrequited.

He has not responded yet, but I think this will be very helpful to solving the recurrent bullying.

Joyeux Jour de Merci Donnant

Today is a very special day in the magic world of the amazing FHC: the one month anniversary of my RAZRV3 purchase and coincidentally the 60th anniversary of the start of the Nuremberg trials. As it took more than three months to buy what is now known as FHC’s cell phone, I decided there would be no decadent anniversary party or anything but that instead I’d courageously take a peak inside the owner’s manual for the first time and maybe set myself the ambitious goal of buying a “holiday’s song ringtone” such as Rupaul the Red-Nosed Drag Queen from (LL…hint…hint… Christmas gift idea coming up) my favorite Christmas album (one of my ex ran off with it on Christmas’s Eve 2002 - sad sad story). Back to my “razor”, as us young people say, to make things even more difficult, there is actually two manuals “Your [my] Welcome Guide” by T-mobile - 35 pages (double if you count the Spanish version) - and “Motomanual” by Motorola – 102 pages + an 18 legal information guide on special recyclable paper. Motomanual does not qualify as a booklet: I am sorry but that’s what I call a full book. I really wish I was a Pilgrim. What is nice is that they have a Highlight Features part for people like me that have little hope to go further than the first 10-20 pages of the booklet. I went as far as “viewing your phone number” and “take a self-portrait”. I love learning new tricks from the outset. I decided to stop my learning experience altogether after I started looking online how to enable Bluetooth on my computer. I posted a question on one of those tech chat rooms and the answer I received was: “You are a loser. You need to get a life. You need to go get laid. Stop talking about some gay cell phone you have and get a blowjob. And go back to China”. I am not from China and I have no idea what a “gay cell phone” is. I need to buy a new computer. I felt excited to read that Brad Pitt will live in the hood today. And also is it ok to be jealous of very young and incredibly successful people with perfect skin, I ran into one today and felt desperately envious ?

On my way to the New Haven animal shelter

§      I can’t believe I am too old to have a Quarter Life Crisis ! I did not even know there was such a thing as quarter life crisis until I found this book. This is so unfair, I feel I missed out. Not only did I miss out on a prom or an "on-campus college life experience" (by which I mean getting laid at 18), but I also missed out on regretting the college life I did not have during my legitimate quarter life crisis. I want a good old quarter life crisis like everybody else. Is it really too late ?

§      I am being influenced into attending the social aspects of the annual clash between Harvard and Yale. It is very complex as I slept with members of both sides….JK…let’s not go there. I secretly hope that it implies this kind of encounter (via Towleroad – Tottyland is really the best place on earth…and sometimes Kia) but I very much doubt it. Plus I read that drinking games were banned, both sides talk to each other and I am guessing there will be many corduroy jackets. I was hoping for some drunken erotic version of West Side Story or at least something as exciting as a meeting between opponents and supporters of abortion rights … I think I’ll be disappointed.

§      Who is Adrian Mole ? I am always amazed by people who dare traveling by themselves, dearest FCBDP has visited many cities in the US by himself. How courageous of him ! I already find myself extremely uncomfortable and freak out when I am waiting for more than five minutes at Saint Ex by myself. When I travel for my job, I refuse to have dinner alone and get all my meals in my room. I do not even walk by myself after dusk. Young people are so brave and courageous these days.

§      Does a resin composite-2s, posterior really costs US$195 ? It’s embarrassing my dentist did two of them and is now asking me a co-pay of US$141.30. This is just criminal and totally unwanted. I have 20 of these every year (see my “track record” as LL would say) and I am fed up of funding his annual trip to Fire Island. Of course if I complain the f*cker will tell me “you should floss” and I will mumble “perhaps I should start with brushing”.

My medically-enhanced life

LL sent us this article which is completely a-propos given Kevin D’s Ambien gift of this WE. FHC of course completely recognized himself in the description of the amateur pharmacist trying to palliate his doctor’s incompetence and loved how accurate the portraits were. What cracked me up the most was the fact that someone confessed using prescription drugs to “get an edge” (which is definitely God’s ultimate goal for mankind by the way…edges..)? poor me that mostly uses prescription drugs cocktail for favorable psychological effects, enhanced normality and improved social skills.

It must be so hard, to know who is really cool in college these days:

- Oh, he's got an edge, this kid Tom … he is so fearless and thin…

- Well actually he is a regular guy but he uses Katie’s Wellbutrin prescription.

- Oh (faint disappointment in voice)

I have to come clean and say that for my last interview I was on beta-blockers, courtesy of Kevin D. I reciprocated by offering some Buspar after he asked for a good sleeping pill and he was sick and had a bad  case of dementia for two days after that which was never really well cured. I overdosed on Avelox at the office earlier this year and incidentally ran to the Health Room thinking I was having some kind of a heart attack (ah ah ah good times). I treated my Giardia case with non prescribed antibiotics fuck*ng up my stomach forever. Back in the days, I also remember that we would mitigate E with Viagra and Cocaïne with wild combination of sleeping pills.

Anyway all that to say that I would be delighted to trade 90 pills of generic Buspar (the prescription my mail order pharmacy retained for a while if you remember) for any quantity of Ritalin and Omega 3. I would also like to have an edge on the narrow-minded non prescription users and maybe I could become an artist. I have small leftovers of Remeron and Wellbutrin XL from last year but I assume nobody is interested right ?. These are such past-season prescriptions.

Don’t leave any young gorgeous billionaire behind !

I can’t believe it is already Sunday night. Sometimes it seems that FHC’s show is just an eternal Sunday night. LL and I just had time to see the Squid and the Whale, swing by the “FHC’s panic attack exhibit” at MoMa, have multiple fattening meals and I am already taking the plane back to DC.

Anyway as I was watching an episode of Laguna Beach (with KMZ who might be ashamed of it but yet is a true fan), I finally managed to point out to the demoralizing and disturbing aspects of my discussion with Andy L. on Monday. There is something uncomforting with the American’s obsession with what they have defined as the clear signs of happiness and self-worthiness.

Having fun at work, looking young, being in shape, having money, owning a nice house, having a wide range of hobbies and interests, having a successful relationship are considered the milestones of happiness in the US and particularly so among the white suburban gay highly educated males. This might explain why American magazines, movies and more generally culture (particularly what is ironically called reality TV) is narrowly concentrated on the lives of the young, powerful, talented, wealthy and famous. It reflects a deep set of beliefs and values of society around the concept that self-worth is defined by your individual outcomes and successes. If you are successful in your job, if your couple seems perfect, your house is well-decorated, you are in shape, you get on well with your parents and you go to wine-tasting events during the week-end, you are a worthy individual. Life is a process to achieve these different components and the goal is to fix your built-in flaws and achieve most of the components as possible if necessary though coaches, therapists and personal shoppers. Isn’t it slightly more complex than that ? and isn’t it a way to set yourself up for failure in such an uncertain world ? finally isn’t it a self-centered vision of happiness and success ? I should stop there because my entry is sounding a little bit on the conservative side. I am actually not saying that this culture is bad per-se, my point is more that it is quite sad to see to which extent it impacts and delusions people that should have the means to step back from it. The way some of my highly educated friend look at their own existence, their constant appetite for self-improvement, their quest for validation through their sexual partners or the products they purchase and their need to exhibit their happiness and its stylized signs are indeed a vexation to the spirit. If at least I could say it is a protestant philosophy (you should read "The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism" by Max Weber), but I observed it this week among jews and catholics.

I believe that other cultures, and in a lesser extent European culture, have a more realistic outlook on happiness that is more based more on what could be naïvely called “the journey” than the outcomes. It is certainly a good thing because only in the US do a significant share of people have a real shot at achieving all these amazing things: a fun job, a great career, fame, an amazing house and an everlasting youth. In most parts of the world, lack of education, poverty, insecurity and more generally lack of opportunity do not allow humans to be the “actor of their lives” and have the same hedonistic approach to life than your average Dupont Circle queen. For most people, life starts with problems and handicaps that cannot be fixed. Yet success and happiness are still a concept in these societies but defined probably on more intrinsic aspects of life such as interaction with other human beings and the capacity to find happiness in what they have.

Anyway to conclude, just remember to stop asking me “What do you want to do of your life ?” and don’t mention that you “could be someone if [you] could get out of this town”: you need to get back to reality, we are not in Laguna Beach, your twenties are gone and your life is not a show, it is the real thing. I am clearly not a specialist in happiness but I do not believe in the American recipe.

Talking about talent and success, here are some very talented Chinese people you might want to check out.

Is FHC an aging child actor forced into transition or simply an old midget ?

Good question. Really. What’s up with the “you look like” comment lately ? As I am increasingly decaying along with getting off my sleeping pills, stopping all kind of exercise and fake-baking everybody seems to have an opinion on what I look like when they run into me these days:

- “You look like you aged ten years since we last slept together…you really let yourself go...” (Kevin A,. Halo two weeks ago);

- “Gee….you look like you... aged …so much in one summer” (Andre T. on 17^th yesterday) “…did you recently break-up ?” to which I replied “well I have a bad case of colorectal cancer, and statistically I have only a few months left to live” and walked away);

- “You look like a Hasidic Jew”(Frif last week at lunch);

- “You don't look like a boy anymore. You look like a man.”(Alex A. at diner on Saturday night)

- “You look like a balding Macaulay C.” (Kevin D. yesterday in the kitchen)

- “You look like you're depressed. Please take better care of yourself.” (the Gs a few weeks ago)

-  "You look like you did not get much sleep last night FHC" (at the office today);

- “You look like death on a shopping spree this morning!" (random homeless person at Giant’s a few days ago)

- “Did you really look like that at one point ?”(LL after seeing my picture on FAGAT guide -  sure LL way to get your trip to Paris)

What’s wrong with you people ? that is f***ing rude ! you know that ?. I thought every middle-aged American ended up small, druggie, beer-gutted and balding, why is my aging process such a source of public consternation ?. Am I expected to laser away my wrinkles, tuck my tummy, have nipple reduction and make myself look 22 again ? I won’t, I am not George M. Jr., just his ex-boyfriend. I’ll join the fat girlfriend website and the “Don’t touch the puffiness under my eyes” movement. “Let me age Lord, gracefully. In love and strength and dignity. Let me grow in wisdom each day. And be a blessing in some little way.” Etc…. etc…

Killing FHC's softly with avian flu

I prefer not to discuss publicly the staged death of the other blog but I thought you should know that I announced today that it has been diagnosed with a bad case of avian flu (pneumonia or an STD sounded after all too vulgar). It is of course emotionally wrenching to kill it in cold blood yet dramatically satisfying J Who could guess that the death scene has been staged by machiavelic FHC himself? I think his agony will last for a week at the most before moving on to the resurrected blog.

Hallelujah

So here is how it goes: we all knew that FHC's "other" blog was dying of a mysterious disease but nobody thought it would be that quick. Right ? So this is my backup blog: friendster made me feel the tightening grip of censorship and there is grilling rumors that my mother reads my current blog. At FHC, Pedro and Maria decided to get prepared for the worse. We are awesome !

Tintin in NYC

LL has placed the pictures I took of his go away party on snapfish without any editing. I might get some courage and create an album on this blog in the days to come. As a sample please note the  picture on the right which is captioned as following: “Hey Alex, are you also famous in Mongolia ?”. I hope you appreciate the new design of the blog, which just shows how democratic we are here: we took in consideration Ryan K.'s recommendation in his comment today. Ryan K. once wrote an article explaining finite life span.

I fell in my office garage today on my bike which was quite the humiliating start for my day indeed. The news that LL’s movers were shirtless did not help getting the day back on track. Yes today is the day, LL moved in his NYC mansion. Also I  found a third one among the famous seven renegades: Cesar A.G., who is not famous yet but popular to answer my previous question, had left my friendster “in a blinding rage” (I quote). However, not like Alex S, and Alex W., he has asked to be added back. FHC is all forgiveness indeed. As I gained Girard this Monday, my friendster is on the rise !

Among other news, the Feds raised key interest rates of a quarter: a clear sign that the housing bubble is blowing up. Now a few questions I collected from the audience: Is it true that when you eat celery, you burn more calories than you actually consume? Do Christians have a moral duty to involve themselves in the legislating of morality ? does anyone know what spymac is ?

Bonne nuit les petits.

Bloggi blogga on my way out

I read today that two teens were hanged in Iran for crime of homosexuality. The message was forwarded by Guillermo V. and could not double check if it was true. I would be very interested to know more about it. I was telling LL yesterday at diner that I believe the half-baked comfort that we enjoy as gay men in the United States has spoilt us and we do not feel the need anymore to demonstrate in the street and launch civil disobedience campaigns to protest for the rights we deserve. We even end up forgetting that it is a scandal that we do not have equal rights and that we are the victim of a timeless persecution. We should pause sometimes and think about the toll of deaths that the socially acceptable homophobic thinking is responsible for. If we really thought about it, we would probably end up entering in a guerilla that would defeat our persecutors.

This being said, I will not enter no guerilla but leave in vacations with gorgeous LL I suspect that we will not be gay bashed but cannot promise anything. Dearest textbook closet case/self loather Peter R. (that I am not allowed to name in my blog) just recommended to me a blog, probably so I can learn the blog étiquette. The guy recommends Londoners (do you say that ?) to use bicycles these days which is undoubtedly a very deep thought.

Ok I am off to some Mexican adventures, if you need to contact me for any blog related emergency, you can reach us by fax at: 52 998 881 4310 or ask Kevin D. to write down a message (Kevin is very busy reading Harry Potter this days, poor Drew) You won’t hear from me for a week I promise, those are YOUR f****ing vacations. Merry Christmas.